• Happy pride month, xisters of the schlog!

Just bought a ticket to the A Minecraft Movie

should i go watch a camrip of it? movie theater is a terrible experience in my area in general (i do NOT want to pay $20 to sit in a room full of greasy black niggers eating popcorn loudly and watching tiktoks with speaker on for 2 hours so i can watch a m*dern movie with at least 30 minutes of "trailer" ads before the actual movie because fuck you, no thanks)
but i mean
>48% on rotten tomatoes
i have a feeling im getting a star-studded turd, factory produced jumanji clone slop, completely shallow plot probably ai-generated world's safest plot that says absolutely nothing of note or meaning, not even a funny movie since im guessing they're playing safe with the jokes too so no soccer mom feefees get hurt, too polished to be "so good its bad" but too sterile to be not-bad and then i have to find the fucken' rip that doesn't have embedded 1xBET ads absolute waste of 1 gigabyte fuck it... but im just guessing, from prior experience of watching newer hollywood shit that proudly proclaims its celebrities as an advertising point
might wait a few months for it to go to streaming (its gonna dry up in theater pretty fast) and watch it then idk
 
should i go watch a camrip of it? movie theater is a terrible experience in my area in general (i do NOT want to pay $20 to sit in a room full of greasy black niggers eating popcorn loudly and watching tiktoks with speaker on for 2 hours so i can watch a m*dern movie with at least 30 minutes of "trailer" ads before the actual movie because fuck you, no thanks)
but i mean
>48% on rotten tomatoes
i have a feeling im getting a star-studded turd, factory produced jumanji clone slop, completely shallow plot probably ai-generated world's safest plot that says absolutely nothing of note or meaning, not even a funny movie since im guessing they're playing safe with the jokes too so no soccer mom feefees get hurt, too polished to be "so good its bad" but too sterile to be not-bad and then i have to find the fucken' rip that doesn't have embedded 1xBET ads absolute waste of 1 gigabyte fuck it... but im just guessing, from prior experience of watching newer hollywood shit that proudly proclaims its celebrities as an advertising point
might wait a few months for it to go to streaming (its gonna dry up in theater pretty fast) and watch it then idk
It is litterally Jumani
Jack Black and the Garbage guy are singlehandedly carrying whatever kino there is to speak of
Also there's like a million subtle sex jokes
 
should i go watch a camrip of it? movie theater is a terrible experience in my area in general (i do NOT want to pay $20 to sit in a room full of greasy black niggers eating popcorn loudly and watching tiktoks with speaker on for 2 hours so i can watch a m*dern movie with at least 30 minutes of "trailer" ads before the actual movie because fuck you, no thanks)
but i mean
>48% on rotten tomatoes
i have a feeling im getting a star-studded turd, factory produced jumanji clone slop, completely shallow plot probably ai-generated world's safest plot that says absolutely nothing of note or meaning, not even a funny movie since im guessing they're playing safe with the jokes too so no soccer mom feefees get hurt, too polished to be "so good its bad" but too sterile to be not-bad and then i have to find the fucken' rip that doesn't have embedded 1xBET ads absolute waste of 1 gigabyte fuck it... but im just guessing, from prior experience of watching newer hollywood shit that proudly proclaims its celebrities as an advertising point
might wait a few months for it to go to streaming (its gonna dry up in theater pretty fast) and watch it then idk
i keep seeing clips of this movie of people recording the theatre with their phones and they just scream whenever someone in the cast mentions a minecraft, it must be infuriating
 
should i go watch a camrip of it?
well i did it, i watched a camrip leaked workprint of the movie. how the fuck did a hollywood workprint get out in the year of our star-studded slopgod of 2025? i was right in my initial judgment to not go to the theater, whatever brainrotted chaos i've heard of would've been too sloppy and noisy for my autistic ass and after flinging popcorn like an animal went tiktok-viral now they're extra strict on having fun in the minecraft arena so i can't even watch it for the immersive theater experience itself now.
it was certainly a movie. had a very classic predictable hollywood macguffin plot, i was able to score a bingo from the minecraft movie card from 7 months ago. spells out everything to the viewer like this is some.... kids movie...... maybe, maybe, but i counted at least a few sex jokes? had some pretty obvious product placement moments in it too, i literally soyfaced when all the reddit wholesome moments like the chicken jockey came on. all the sob story "serious" plotline shit in the movie with the on-cue sad music felt extremely forced to me thoughie, just super dissonant with the rest of the movie not well executed at all and introduced so quickly that i have no reason to care for any of these characters certainly not that their stinkin' mom is unalived or whatever.
really does feel like they blew all their budget on the CGI, and then got an unpaid intern to write the entire plot in a 1-hour sitting. shockingly complete for a workprint, but honestly,
honestly, the unfinished cgi and random unshaded models put the SOVL into an otherwise conventionally bad movie. when the movie ended, i felt... emotions. deep ones. im not sure which emotion it was, it wasn't disgust but it wasn't quite revelation or joy either, just some vague warm feeling of... so, is this what its been? it is rare that a modern movie makes me feel emotions, let alone a hollywood factory-line release. i think the choppy editing of the credits and xbox 360 demogame graphics did more for the movie than anything done in the actual release.
my favorite part was an hour into the movie and whatever background music changes timbre a few times in a row (unsure if it was on the uploader's part or if the sound engineers were feeling schizophrenic that day on set), and then it randomly switches to the russian dub for 1 sentence, then changes back to normal next scene like nothing happened.
tldr honestly the unfinished version mogs and took the movie from a generic safe flick-slop to a "so bad its good" kino-lite
 
Is chicken jockey the next baby yoda?
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