Thoughts on My First Substack Article Please - It's About Elon Musk Posting My Old Troll Bait

[Fortuna]

I think if everyone was selfish I probably wouldn't have any friends at all because I am pretty much useless. Unless you want someone to talk to at any time.

 

[NiggerRigger]

Why do privileged goyim always talk about boring philosophy shit and complain about the world being evil despite having the BEST foood from the restaurant and latest iPhones? BECAUSE PRIVILEGED SNOWFLAKE.

 

[NiggerRigger]

Why do privileged goyim always talk about boring philosophy shit and complain about the world being evil despite having the BEST foood from the restaurant and latest iPhones? BECAUSE PRIVILEGED SNOWFLAKE.

@baqqrih Answer.

 

[Sneedson]

@baqqrih Answer.

there not responding to you cuz they are jewish

 

[MoonMetropolis]

Are you Jewish?

No. I'm only half-Jewish on my father's side and Judaism is passed down from the mother, so I'm technically not a Jew. I'm just... uhhh... Jew-ish. And, religiously, I'm an atheist and a nihilist.

 

[Sneedson]

No. I'm only half-Jewish on my father's side and Judaism is passed down from the mother, so I'm technically not a Jew. I'm just... uhhh... Jew-ish. And, religiously, I'm an atheist and a nihilist.

What do you like about the soysphere?

 

[MoonMetropolis]

What do you like about the soysphere?

The anarchic, creative, chaotic spirit of it, I suppose.

 

[Soyteen Liker]

Again, I'm sure I sound like an angsty teenage edgelord, but I'm just being candidly honest.

Thank you for the thoughtful reply! I appreciate your honesty.

As cringe-inducing as that image may be, it pretty much describes me. I can be the nicest person in the world, but I can also be a "twisted fucking psychopath". What I was doing online in the past, for example, is textbook psychopathic behavior: just starting random fires and trying to create as much chaos and destruction as I possibly could for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than simply because I could. But, when I was at Butner, I would also regularly help out the demented guys and the blind guys in the unit, which is about as far from psychopathic behavior as you can possibly get. I really don't understand myself, to be perfectly honest.

This further supports my theory that you suffer from depersonalization especially. A lot of people with this type of pathology describe themselves feeling like a psychopath and not understanding themselves. It's usually caused by trauma; although some people are more sensitive to it and even something like being bullied in school might theoretically cause it. Or perhaps you got molested as an infant and it was so overwhelming you felt like you couldn't be yourself or find any meaning, worth, or value in life. It would explain your profound hatred of yourself and the world. Perhaps it might even explain why you're afraid to die - you haven't truly lived yet. It's very possible that you can't even remember it since it's pre-verbal and pre-autobiographical memory. That's just 1 possible cause though, perhaps you might have been separated from your biological mother as an infant, even.

I doubt you ever read the Two Kites From Other Inmates that I published a little while ago, but they demonstrate pretty well that many people who actually interact with me see right through the constant shock value edgelord shit that comes out of my mouth.

I hadn't, but it seems like evidence that you still have hope and potential if you were able to find meaning in that.

I've been seeing doctors and getting placed on medications since I was a little kid. Nothing has ever helped me, really, and, at this point, the only reason that I don't commit suicide is because I am simply too afraid of death. I profoundly hate this world and I truly wish more than anything that I had never been placed in it to begin with.

You still have a long time to live. You can't ever change your past but you still have a future. Things don't have to be completely miserable, malicious, and pointless. You have hope.

What is Preverbal Trauma and How is it Treated With Somatic Therapy? - April Lyons Psychotherapy Group Boulder, Longmont, Denver

Somatic therapy affirms that your traumatic preverbal memories are real and deserving of attention. These memories simply exist as a “felt sense” not a play-by-play representation of the traumatic events. That being said, treatment must connect with that sense. Serving Boulder, Longmont, Denver...

www.aprillyonspsychotherapygroup.com

This is just one article about potential causes of your profound distress, but I recommend you to research it further. Just try, okay? It can't hurt to try, isn't that right?

 

[Fortuna]

Thank you for the thoughtful reply! I appreciate your honesty.

This further supports my theory that you suffer from depersonalization especially. A lot of people with this type of pathology describe themselves feeling like a psychopath and not understanding themselves. It's usually caused by trauma; although some people are more sensitive to it and even something like being bullied in school might theoretically cause it. Or perhaps you got molested as an infant and it was so overwhelming you felt like you couldn't be yourself or find any meaning, worth, or value in life. It would explain your profound hatred of yourself and the world. Perhaps it might even explain why you're afraid to die - you haven't truly lived yet. It's very possible that you can't even remember it since it's pre-verbal and pre-autobiographical memory. That's just 1 possible cause though, perhaps you might have been separated from your biological mother as an infant, even.

I hadn't, but it seems like evidence that you still have hope and potential if you were able to find meaning in that.

You still have a long time to live. You can't ever change your past but you still have a future. Things don't have to be completely miserable, malicious, and pointless. You have hope.

What is Preverbal Trauma and How is it Treated With Somatic Therapy? - April Lyons Psychotherapy Group Boulder, Longmont, Denver

Somatic therapy affirms that your traumatic preverbal memories are real and deserving of attention. These memories simply exist as a “felt sense” not a play-by-play representation of the traumatic events. That being said, treatment must connect with that sense. Serving Boulder, Longmont, Denver...

www.aprillyonspsychotherapygroup.com

This is just one article about potential causes of your profound distress, but I recommend you to research it further. Just try, okay? It can't hurt to try, isn't that right?

I don't think he will take your advice.

 

[baqqrih]

It's getting to be my bedtime soon, so I probably can't compose a simple reply as quickly as my eyes will shut from drowsiness, so I will read what he's said, sleep on the words, and write a response in the morning time after I wake up.

I'm not really sure what I can write in response to his claims besides simply disagreeing with him in a general sense. It's not like I can at all start changing someone's mind when a decade in an American prison has already forged it into something totally different from my own worldview. His view of morality and life is seemingly centered around the badness and ultimate worthlessness of mankind, "nihilism", as he called it, while mine is centered around abiding by what I believe to be the word of God (which, in my perspective, must be perfectly just and perfectly good because God is the ultimate creator of the universe, so He'd comprehend its matters infinitely better than anything mortal). He believes that God created sin, I don't. I believe that man, having been made in God's image, is therefore capable of goodness, he doesn't. There's quite a difference in very many of our views, I don't know if it'd even be worthwhile to start picking his philosophy apart and discussing it in great detail if nothing'll really help us understand one another because of the sheer differences in either of our thoughts.

 

[Satoko_Fans_Arent_White]

why are you on the sphere with autistic teenagers because i would expect someone like you to be on kiwi farms or some shit ranting about zoomers

 

[doddermodd]

Prison is hell on earth. I talk about it at length in this article that I actually published from prison (not to toot my own horn or anything, but I was obviously pretty brave to do so): https://medium.com/@MoonMetropolis/how-prison-made-me-hate-the-police-a0ae6f3b957b

>On the street, anti-police rhetoric usually compares the police to Nazis, Brownshirts, and other paramilitary fascists — and those comparisons are firmly rooted in reality, with the police terrorizing black and low-income neighborhoods the same way that the Nazis and the Brownshirts terrorized their opponents.
Breathtaking words

 

[NT]

@MoonMetropolis I apologize for what may come across to you as a rather naïve question, but I would like to ask you one thing just for fun.
Considering how you've experienced the world and seemingly made your mind up about the state of it (as it stands today): what would you say to an "autistic" male about a decade younger than you that wants to know the truth about what the world is really like, accounting for his condition?
Sorry if that's really ambigious, I'm still a little unsure about how to word it properly. Just curious.

 

[MoonMetropolis]

Thank you for the thoughtful reply! I appreciate your honesty.

This further supports my theory that you suffer from depersonalization especially. A lot of people with this type of pathology describe themselves feeling like a psychopath and not understanding themselves. It's usually caused by trauma; although some people are more sensitive to it and even something like being bullied in school might theoretically cause it. Or perhaps you got molested as an infant and it was so overwhelming you felt like you couldn't be yourself or find any meaning, worth, or value in life. It would explain your profound hatred of yourself and the world. Perhaps it might even explain why you're afraid to die - you haven't truly lived yet. It's very possible that you can't even remember it since it's pre-verbal and pre-autobiographical memory. That's just 1 possible cause though, perhaps you might have been separated from your biological mother as an infant, even.

I hadn't, but it seems like evidence that you still have hope and potential if you were able to find meaning in that.

You still have a long time to live. You can't ever change your past but you still have a future. Things don't have to be completely miserable, malicious, and pointless. You have hope.

What is Preverbal Trauma and How is it Treated With Somatic Therapy? - April Lyons Psychotherapy Group Boulder, Longmont, Denver

Somatic therapy affirms that your traumatic preverbal memories are real and deserving of attention. These memories simply exist as a “felt sense” not a play-by-play representation of the traumatic events. That being said, treatment must connect with that sense. Serving Boulder, Longmont, Denver...

www.aprillyonspsychotherapygroup.com

This is just one article about potential causes of your profound distress, but I recommend you to research it further. Just try, okay? It can't hurt to try, isn't that right?

Thank you for your thoughtful reply as well. I've never really researched the things you're talking about before, and I will definitely do so.

I'm honestly surprised that it took me that long to get arrested. I've been putting my parents through non-stop grief and misery for my entire life, and I've gotten myself kicked out of just about every single thing that I've ever been a member of, from schools to websites to groups right up to prisons. I simply cannot function anywhere, and I really cannot foresee myself ever functioning in the world. And this really isn't a world that I would ever want to function in anyways. This is a world that, quite frankly, deserves nothing more than to be catapulted into the sun. And prison is certainly not the environment to become less of a bitter, hateful misanthrope. I cannot possibly express in words how much I hated those brainless, fatuous, bellicose, knuckle-drugging troglodytes in prison and how sick I was of hearing their arrogant, bold, stupid, otiose threats - the exact same arrogant, bold, stupid, otiose threats that I now hear online every single day. For my entire life, I've been pushed around, taken advantage of, and viewed as easy prey. Just for once, I'd like to be the one that people are afraid of. When I look at these disturbed individuals who carry out mass shootings, I see a lot of myself in them, which is a truly terrifying thought.

Honestly, I feel my hatred and anger reaching an unbearable boiling point, and I genuinely fear the person that I am gradually turning into. I mean, I try my best to not have any friends and not talk to anyone, but, even when I base my life around avoiding other people, I still hate them with every fiber of my being - and, with each passing day, that hatred only grows more and more extreme. I don't know what to do with it, so I just keep it bottled up so that it can eat away at my insides. I really fear that I have the potential to eventually do something truly horrible.

To be perfectly honest, I really think that my family would be better off without me. For my entire life, I've done nothing but create non-stop grief for them. I've been my parents' #1 source of misery since early childhood, and I really don't see that ever changing. My personality - if I can be said to have one of my own - is as toxic, hateful, destructive, and antisocial as it gets.
A few years back, there was an infamous viral trailer for the video game Hatred - a trailer that instantly became an internet meme - with a brooding edgelord in a trenchcoat delivering the following cringe-inducing monologue before embarking on a killing rampage: "My name is not important. What is important is what I'm going to do. I just fucking hate this world, and the human worms feasting on its carcass. My whole life is just cold, bitter hatred, and I always wanted to die violently. This is the time of vengeance, and no life is worth saving. And I will put in the grave as many as I can. It's time for me to kill and it's time for me to die. My genocide crusade begins... here." As embarrassingly bad as that teen angst monologue may be, that's pretty much me. I hate this world, I hate society, and, most of all, I hate the human race.

The only emotions that I feel are hatred, anger, sadness, fear, and disgust. I have no joy. I have nothing worth living for. At the moment, I just feel like Simple Plan song lyrics: "How could this happen to me?/I've made my mistakes/Got nowhere to run/The night goes on as I'm faded away/I'm sick of this life/I just want to scream/How could this happen to me?" I don't know what I want from the world, but I do know that this really isn't a world that I want to have anything to do with. This is a world that, again, deserves nothing more than to be catapulted into the sun. I'm sick of being alive, but I'm too afraid of death to end my life.

More than anything, I just really wish that I had never been born at all. I feel utterly trapped and powerless in this horrible world that I never would have willingly chosen to be brought into. Someone like me is never going to belong in society, and this isn't a society that I would ever want to belong in anyways. I really cannot see myself ever living a remotely healthy, productive life. The thought of living independently and managing my own finances just seems so utterly bewildering to me. I don't want to be a hikikomori leech on my parents forever, but what other options will I ever have now?

why are you on the sphere with autistic teenagers because i would expect someone like you to be on kiwi farms or some shit ranting about zoomers

I was born in 1995, which makes me a zoomer (albeit just barely, as 1995 is often cited as the first year of generation Z). Also, I hate Kiwitroons.

@MoonMetropolis I apologize for what may come across to you as a rather naïve question, but I would like to ask you one thing just for fun.
Considering how you've experienced the world and seemingly made your mind up about the state of it (as it stands today): what would you say to an "autistic" male about a decade younger than you that wants to know the truth about what the world is really like, accounting for his condition?
Sorry if that's really ambigious, I'm still a little unsure about how to word it properly. Just curious.

Unfortunately, you're destined to learn for yourself what the world is really like. The world was not made for people like us. We are aberrations, and aberrations get chewed up and spit out and tossed away like trash. You'll find that out for yourself soon enough. I'm only 29 (which is certainly not even remotely old by any conventional metric), but the amount of shit that I've been through now is unreal. I already feel like a bitter old curmudgeon.

 

[Soygoy]

If God does exist, then I would certainly say that he is malicious/flawed, to say the least. I mean, what kind of sick, evil God would create a world like this? Certainly not a God that I want to have anything to do with.

During my time in prison, I wrote down some detailed outlines of my own ideas for movies, and one of them was my personal attempt, in my own words, "the most disturbing, horrifying, nihilistic, misanthropic, life-denying film ever made". The fact that even the deeply jaded and desensitized prison staff were shocked and disturbed by it tells me that I did exactly what I set out to do. That film idea was one giant "fuck you" to everyone and everything - me telling the human race what I really think of it.

There's a well-known/notorious image - widely circulated on places like /r/cringepics and Cringe Channel - of a teenage boy saying "I have two personalities... Nicest person you will ever meet [picture of him smiling at the camera] And... TWISTED FUCKING PSYCHOPATH [picture of him with goth eye makeup on scowling and flicking a candle lighter]". As cringe-inducing as that image may be, it pretty much describes me. I can be the nicest person in the world, but I can also be a "twisted fucking psychopath". What I was doing online in the past, for example, is textbook psychopathic behavior: just starting random fires and trying to create as much chaos and destruction as I possibly could for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than simply because I could. But, when I was at Butner, I would also regularly help out the demented guys and the blind guys in the unit, which is about as far from psychopathic behavior as you can possibly get. I really don't understand myself, to be perfectly honest.

I identify as a nihilist, and I try my best to be as amoral as possible. Even so, I do not deliberately try to be cruel or sadistic, and I have nothing but contempt for those who do. I doubt you ever read the Two Kites From Other Inmates that I published a little while ago, but they demonstrate pretty well that many people who actually interact with me see right through the constant shock value edgelord shit that comes out of my mouth. I truly believe that humans, at their core, are nothing but pure evil with no redeeming qualities, but that still doesn't mean that I'm going to go out of my way to be evil just for the hell of it. People who do go out of their way to be evil just for the hell of it are perfect examples of why I hate this miserable species so much.

I've never remotely thought of myself as being a positive person - quite the opposite, in fact. But, again, many people in prison thought of me as a positive person. One of my old cellmates thought of me as being a very positive person because, he said, I was helping him grow as a person. He thanked me for putting up with all manner of shit from him, and for helping him to get off of drugs and get out of the convict mentality. And, later, the case manager at Terre Haute FCI tasked me with being something of a keeper for a suicidal psych patient who had just arrived on my unit. He got sexually assaulted at his previous institution, so he was very nervous and frightened to be there. I assured the case manager that I would look out for this guy and I told the psych patient that, if he had any problems, to come to me about it, because I'm a psych patient just like him. I accepted him as my cellmate when nobody else would take him in, and I paid a shitton of money to have my room all painted and waxed up because he said that the room made him want to kill himself. It's actually much easier for me to deal with psych patients than it is for me to deal with quote-unquote "normal" people, because, obviously, I'm not a quote-unquote "normal" person and, as such, I simply cannot relate to normies on any level. But I can certainly relate to psych patients and other social outcasts.

I should note, however, that, after seemingly endless drama and him antagonizing me non-stop, the psych patient finally got moved to a different unit. I showed him nothing but kindness and he rewarded me by shitting all over me. As always, that's what I get for doing the right thing. No good deed goes unpunished. So much for karma.

When I was in prison, I wrote (and often repeated): "There are times when I honestly feel like my current life is the origin story for some comic book villain. With each passing day, I gradually feel myself turning into a truly bad guy."

During one of my previous extended durations in the SHU (solitary confinement), I read Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, who survived the Nazi concentration camps and went on to become one of the leading psychologists in the world. It was interesting, to be sure, but it certainly didn't change my way of thinking. I am still an atheist, still a nihilist, and most definitely still a misanthrope. If anything, reading about the Holocaust just further reinforces my view of how utterly vile the human race is. To be honest, I've never remotely understood the use of the word "humanity" as a synonym for kindness, selflessness, mercy, generosity, and so forth. That's the opposite of human nature, which is why it takes people so much more effort to behave like that. No, when I think of humanity, I think of things like the Holocaust, the slave trade, the Rwandan genocide, the Srebrenica massacre, and, more recently, the ethnic cleansing in Ukraine. That's what humanity is all about. The word "humanity" should be used as a synonym for cruelty, bigotry, selfishness, greed, prejudice, depravity, and lust for power.

The classic "Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory" (coined by the webcomic Penny Arcade) holds that "regular person + anonymity + audience = total fuckwad". The internet (and especially the dark web) provides us with an invaluable portal into the darkest recesses of the human psyche because, when people are completely anonymous and they know that they won't be held personally accountable for their actions, they will simply behave like the feral, depraved, iniquitous monsters that they really are (I, of all people, should know a thing or two about this sort of thing). People reveal aspects of themselves on the internet that they would never reveal to anyone in real life - not even to a therapist. But the only thing stopping people from behaving like that in real life is the threat of personal accountability for it. Look at any place where there are no laws - whether it's Somalia or New Orleans - and you'll see people behaving the exact same way that they behave on the internet. Or look at how UN diplomats act, because they're given total impunity. That's just their true, horrible human nature coming out.

To be perfectly honest, I don't think that there is such a thing as good people, and I don't think that humans possess any redeeming qualities. I think that all human beings are intrinsically rotten to the core. Everything that people do is motivated by selfishness. We are the only species that takes pleasure in the suffering of other members of our species, and we are the only species that kills for pleasure and not for survival. We also reproduce just for the sake of reproducing, and the only other species that does that is cancer. We are a cancer on this planet and, when we inevitably wipe ourselves out of existence, it will be the best thing we ever did.

Again, I'm sure I sound like an angsty teenage edgelord, but I'm just being candidly honest.


I've been seeing doctors and getting placed on medications since I was a little kid. Nothing has ever helped me, really, and, at this point, the only reason that I don't commit suicide is because I am simply too afraid of death. I profoundly hate this world and I truly wish more than anything that I had never been placed in it to begin with.

Looks like I finally found my nemesis, someone who can write more words words words posts than I ever could.

 

[Yiaagwababy or whatever]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply as well. I've never really researched the things you're talking about before, and I will definitely do so.

I'm honestly surprised that it took me that long to get arrested. I've been putting my parents through non-stop grief and misery for my entire life, and I've gotten myself kicked out of just about every single thing that I've ever been a member of, from schools to websites to groups right up to prisons. I simply cannot function anywhere, and I really cannot foresee myself ever functioning in the world. And this really isn't a world that I would ever want to function in anyways. This is a world that, quite frankly, deserves nothing more than to be catapulted into the sun. And prison is certainly not the environment to become less of a bitter, hateful misanthrope. I cannot possibly express in words how much I hated those brainless, fatuous, bellicose, knuckle-drugging troglodytes in prison and how sick I was of hearing their arrogant, bold, stupid, otiose threats - the exact same arrogant, bold, stupid, otiose threats that I now hear online every single day. For my entire life, I've been pushed around, taken advantage of, and viewed as easy prey. Just for once, I'd like to be the one that people are afraid of. When I look at these disturbed individuals who carry out mass shootings, I see a lot of myself in them, which is a truly terrifying thought.

Honestly, I feel my hatred and anger reaching an unbearable boiling point, and I genuinely fear the person that I am gradually turning into. I mean, I try my best to not have any friends and not talk to anyone, but, even when I base my life around avoiding other people, I still hate them with every fiber of my being - and, with each passing day, that hatred only grows more and more extreme. I don't know what to do with it, so I just keep it bottled up so that it can eat away at my insides. I really fear that I have the potential to eventually do something truly horrible.

To be perfectly honest, I really think that my family would be better off without me. For my entire life, I've done nothing but create non-stop grief for them. I've been my parents' #1 source of misery since early childhood, and I really don't see that ever changing. My personality - if I can be said to have one of my own - is as toxic, hateful, destructive, and antisocial as it gets.
A few years back, there was an infamous viral trailer for the video game Hatred - a trailer that instantly became an internet meme - with a brooding edgelord in a trenchcoat delivering the following cringe-inducing monologue before embarking on a killing rampage: "My name is not important. What is important is what I'm going to do. I just fucking hate this world, and the human worms feasting on its carcass. My whole life is just cold, bitter hatred, and I always wanted to die violently. This is the time of vengeance, and no life is worth saving. And I will put in the grave as many as I can. It's time for me to kill and it's time for me to die. My genocide crusade begins... here." As embarrassingly bad as that teen angst monologue may be, that's pretty much me. I hate this world, I hate society, and, most of all, I hate the human race.

The only emotions that I feel are hatred, anger, sadness, fear, and disgust. I have no joy. I have nothing worth living for. At the moment, I just feel like Simple Plan song lyrics: "How could this happen to me?/I've made my mistakes/Got nowhere to run/The night goes on as I'm faded away/I'm sick of this life/I just want to scream/How could this happen to me?" I don't know what I want from the world, but I do know that this really isn't a world that I want to have anything to do with. This is a world that, again, deserves nothing more than to be catapulted into the sun. I'm sick of being alive, but I'm too afraid of death to end my life.

More than anything, I just really wish that I had never been born at all. I feel utterly trapped and powerless in this horrible world that I never would have willingly chosen to be brought into. Someone like me is never going to belong in society, and this isn't a society that I would ever want to belong in anyways. I really cannot see myself ever living a remotely healthy, productive life. The thought of living independently and managing my own finances just seems so utterly bewildering to me. I don't want to be a hikikomori leech on my parents forever, but what other options will I ever have now?


I was born in 1995, which makes me a zoomer (albeit just barely, as 1995 is often cited as the first year of generation Z). Also, I hate Kiwitroons.


Unfortunately, you're destined to learn for yourself what the world is really like. The world was not made for people like us. We are aberrations, and aberrations get chewed up and spit out and tossed away like trash. You'll find that out for yourself soon enough. I'm only 29 (which is certainly not even remotely old by any conventional metric), but the amount of shit that I've been through now is unreal. I already feel like a bitter old curmudgeon.

What do you think this is with all this text? A blog site?

 

[Yiaagwababy or whatever]

Looks like I finally found my nemesis, someone who can write more words words words posts than I ever could.

The only difference is people care about what Goldberg has to say.

 

[MoonMetropolis]

Looks like I finally found my nemesis, someone who can write more words words words posts than I ever could.

What do you think this is with all this text? A blog site?

 

[Soygoy]

I have autism too, my friend. Welcome to the schlog.

 

[Soygoy]

I have autism too, my friend. Welcome to the schlog.

Alright, confirmed tists: Me, NT, Soyteen Liker, MoonMetropolis, Acro, who else?
This place is practically crawling with tism at this point.

Added to the list: drcobson, Fortuna.