I recall hearing something about how AGPs (autogynephiles) often felt shame/anxiety around the idea of being feminine and thus tried to conquer it by trying to be feminine themselves so that it's no longer shameful/scary. I feel like that in a way, but with being masculine and doing stereotypical boy stuff - there's a sense of shame/anxiety that becomes a challenge to conquer. That's why the idea of being a man feels so addicitng. I don't know how this ties into the "him" idea, or if I'm restating the obvious but basically yeah.
In other news, I might move this to /journal/ because it's not really meant to be in the shitpost section, it only got moved there due to the nature of the thread (supposedly promoting degeneracy) and because of the derailment. I'll make a "notable updates" update to the intro as well.