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Schizo My autoandrophilia/pooner urges [REVAMPED INTRO]

Post thread
my AGP thoughts went away today after being active all weekend.
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april 12th 2024

ok so today i woke up and ran downstairs to grab my lovely little packageeeee
GUESS WHO GOT DEMONIA SHOES!!
(kera 200s , size 8 uk)
i will attach these

also just peeled back the flowers im pressing - they’re looking good but ill leave em a bit more!!
im meant to be studying for my pure maths advanced level test on monday but i can’t be bothered … i am a fail to all indians

also attached a sketch of the website someones making for me :p



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IMG_9259.jpeg

IMG_9256.jpeg

IMG_9288.jpeg
 
ribbon said:
april 12th 2024

ok so today i woke up and ran downstairs to grab my lovely little packageeeee
GUESS WHO GOT DEMONIA SHOES!!
(kera 200s , size 8 uk)
i will attach these

also just peeled back the flowers im pressing - they’re looking good but ill leave em a bit more!!
im meant to be studying for my pure maths advanced level test on monday but i can’t be bothered … i am a fail to all indians

also attached a sketch of the website someones making for me :p



8AB7F70D-4F42-41D5-A958-DD4E11CADF99.jpeg

IMG_9259.jpeg

IMG_9256.jpeg

IMG_9288.jpeg
Click to expand...
faggot
 
ribbon said:
april 12th 2024

ok so today i woke up and ran downstairs to grab my lovely little packageeeee
GUESS WHO GOT DEMONIA SHOES!!
(kera 200s , size 8 uk)
i will attach these

also just peeled back the flowers im pressing - they’re looking good but ill leave em a bit more!!
im meant to be studying for my pure maths advanced level test on monday but i can’t be bothered … i am a fail to all indians

also attached a sketch of the website someones making for me :p



8AB7F70D-4F42-41D5-A958-DD4E11CADF99.jpeg

IMG_9259.jpeg

IMG_9256.jpeg

IMG_9288.jpeg
Click to expand...
i miss parkles :(
 
I have updated the OP with a foreword about why I made this thread and why I'm still continuing it. I've been free of physical sexual pleasure since roughly mid-February, so about 100 days or so. It seems that the AAP attachment/demon/incubus/"him"/it is still trying to influence me in strange ways. I still feel it's "penis" overlaying onto my body and sometimes making my hands smooth when I think about banishing it or strengthening my relationship with God. Sometimes my hands even feel physical pain when it really wants to influence me. I actually did a few prayers with my mom a while back but it didn't make a dent in making the attachment go away. I don't know why. Nothing I do seems to weaken it, all I can really do is avoid things that strengthen it. I am unsure of if it attached itself to me around 7th grade or if it was lying dormant before that point. Either way, I don't know where it came from or how to get rid of it. It's genuinely taken so much from me even besides making me want to become a transvestite, I have to take extremely powerful psychotropic medications to calm down the irrational and undirected rage I feel when it takes over without the medications. To put it in simple terms, it wants to "rape, kill, and destroy everyone and everything" out of nowhere. I don't say that because it's "cool or edgy" or whatever, it's quite frightening but it blocks my access to that worry.

It strikes me that it went away, or was significantly decreased when I was dating Meursault. I really did want to be his wife and still love him... but the evil attachment took over and tried to possess me again. It creates a problem and tries to position a false solution to the problem it creates. I recently told someone else close to me that I would receive vauge imprintings of messages from it when I would rock back and forth ("stimming") to the point of pseudo-hypnosis. It... really hates innocence and is full of malice and envy. Sometimes this feeling bleeds through me and gives me an emotion I can only describe as "slithering seething" - it feels like what I imagine drives a psychopath to dehumanize others and take advantage of them. I wonder if that's what people sense when they say I'm revolting. Other people here have been lascivious gooners but I seem to get strange comments and genuine hatred instead of mockery. I wonder if I should stop trying to communicate with it. It can't really hurt to try, but I need a push to stop because I'm honestly addicted to letting it melt myself away. The feeling I get from stimming - it goes further than just rocking back and forth - is that dreams and imagination start to bleed through me when they typically don't. It's why I don't read fiction anymore, I can't imagine much of anything without getting the urge to stim.

I don't think I stimmed with my whole torso until it came around. What a coincidence... or is it? I must cease this.
 
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