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StudioCaca said:
Nothing is fun since last message, first lines of meth calmed me down but i havent slept in 2 days and the calmness has'nt returned. Tomorow is going to fucking suck, i wont even have speeds to help me comedown during the first days of rehab. Dont do drugs kids.
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>doing meth
IMG_0326.jpeg
 
I am going to rehab tmrw.
I felt as if a weight had been lifted after my last date with my ex, this weight has been triple and slammed on my back. The original reasoning for going to rehab was also an ex doe the one before the current ex. I hope when i come back from rehab she might give me a try? I want to show her a 2 month and then a 6 month sober key chain from NA. I know this is stupid but idc i need to try.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference
-Joeyy
 
StudioCaca said:
I want to kill myself again doe i got my friends beer and speed to keep me happy? My gf told me drugs we're against her values and she blocked me. I fucking hate my life, shitty short lived relationship where i just get mid break ups.
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fuck your stupid ex-gf, I WILL SEND HER TO THE FOODBAR PROCESSOR TO BE CONSUMED BY GOYSLAVES MAINTAINING THE WORLDFACTORY ON MARS if she isn't willing to go through your journey she is RETARDED and DUMB and NEEDS TO BE KILLED I have refused relationships with MANY PEOPLE because THEY WERE SELFISH LITTLE FUCKS. You're better off without her to be honest, you're better off TRAINING your ARYAN SOUL to PROJECT AN AURA OF RAPENIGGERSKILLNIGGERS
 
StudioCaca said:
Welp going to rehab in about an hour and a half so like cya faggots in 2 months or something
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welp...
only lasted 5 days, got pissed off at the retarded fat libtards who dont know how to do their jobs (fat whores who worked there i forgot what their job is called). While i was pissed off i heard the girl with BPD and some other guys talk about how i was'nt taking the rehab seriously and making it harder for others so i fucked off. I know i wont be sober for ever but i am intending on keeping it going for as long as possible, atleast i got through the worst parts of withdrawal and ive got all the support in the world. Going to a NA meeting tonigth and im intending on possibly going trying to go one meeting per day atleast for the first few weeks. This rehab center fucking sucked honestly, last one had the same rules but they werent being applied so it was chill, this one felt like a prison. Tiny rooms, shared showers and a psychothic roomate with BPD (tbh he was pretty cool but he was paranoid as fuck, would wake up screaming, was sweaty as fuck because of opiates withdrawal (tbh dont blame him for that but still) and worse of all he snored so fucking loud at night). So yeah ima go back to showing how many days sober i have and try keeping sober for as long as possible, if i fuck up and relapse i must remember that the battle is lost but not the war.
 
StudioCaca said:
welp...
only lasted 5 days, got pissed off at the retarded fat libtards who dont know how to do their jobs (fat whores who worked there i forgot what their job is called). While i was pissed off i heard the girl with BPD and some other guys talk about how i was'nt taking the rehab seriously and making it harder for others so i fucked off. I know i wont be sober for ever but i am intending on keeping it going for as long as possible, atleast i got through the worst parts of withdrawal and ive got all the support in the world. Going to a NA meeting tonigth and im intending on possibly going trying to go one meeting per day atleast for the first few weeks. This rehab center fucking sucked honestly, last one had the same rules but they werent being applied so it was chill, this one felt like a prison. Tiny rooms, shared showers and a psychothic roomate with BPD (tbh he was pretty cool but he was paranoid as fuck, would wake up screaming, was sweaty as fuck because of opiates withdrawal (tbh dont blame him for that but still) and worse of all he snored so fucking loud at night). So yeah ima go back to showing how many days sober i have and try keeping sober for as long as possible, if i fuck up and relapse i must remember that the battle is lost but not the war.
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You can do it! You are ARYAN! You are PVRE!
 
40 gallon update, i planted the fuck out of it and put an old plant light that was laying around. I also bought my first pleco a 201 "snowball inspector".
 

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My mom got a letter from the administrator of the rehab center, she acknowledged the lack of profesionalism of the staff present the day i left. These two staff despite the fact that my mom had sent them my intervention plan signed by a psychiatrist, which clearly communicated to them that forcing me to open up would end in an autistic meltdown, chose to force me to open up. This is the first time in my life that somebody said sorry for causing me to have a meltdown. I litterally threw up on one of her employee (intentionally since i know i would get criminal charges if i had punched that fat cow), i tried my fucking best to make those two staff's feel that not only we're they fat ugly cows who should throw up after eating so they could lose weight, brought up the violent rape of the least fat of the cows telling her she deserved it since she did'nt defend herself, made them fear for their lives by grabbing a knife and yelling at them to back the fuck off (i intentionally did not use threats of violence incase they called the cops) and intentionally threw up all over the entrance. I dont know who that person is but the fact she is the one saying sorry has blown my mind, genuinly this makes me feel bad for throwing up in the entrance since well idc about the rest but like now her rehab is gonna have a stinky smell. Im gonna write her a thank you letter for her comprehension and empathy.
 
StudioCaca said:
My mom got a letter from the administrator of the rehab center, she acknowledged the lack of profesionalism of the staff present the day i left. These two staff despite the fact that my mom had sent them my intervention plan signed by a psychiatrist, which clearly communicated to them that forcing me to open up would end in an autistic meltdown, chose to force me to open up. This is the first time in my life that somebody said sorry for causing me to have a meltdown. I litterally threw up on one of her employee (intentionally since i know i would get criminal charges if i had punched that fat cow), i tried my fucking best to make those two staff's feel that not only we're they fat ugly cows who should throw up after eating so they could lose weight, brought up the violent rape of the least fat of the cows telling her she deserved it since she did'nt defend herself, made them fear for their lives by grabbing a knife and yelling at them to back the fuck off (i intentionally did not use threats of violence incase they called the cops) and intentionally threw up all over the entrance. I dont know who that person is but the fact she is the one saying sorry has blown my mind, genuinly this makes me feel bad for throwing up in the entrance since well idc about the rest but like now her rehab is gonna have a stinky smell. Im gonna write her a thank you letter for her comprehension and empathy.
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this sorta stuff is why I don't trust those kinda places, sure the admin was nice but a lot of the staff act similarly to imageboard jannies
 
Yesterday i renewed my gym membership, it had been a month or two since my last gym sesh and im sad at how weak ive become, weirdly egnough my arms got way weaker but my chest got stronger. I also convinced my brother to hit the gym by telling him i would buy him booze afterward (the underaged teenager who looks 25 buying booze for the yougner underaged teenager geg). For this current period of physical activity im going to try eating more protein rich food. Also ive once again started working on my roblox game so perhaps i will give updates doe the motivation is pretty low. Two days ago to power through game dev i discovered what happens when you take way too much caffeine, my skin still feels numb.
 
StudioCaca said:
Yesterday i renewed my gym membership, it had been a month or two since my last gym sesh and im sad at how weak ive become, weirdly egnough my arms got way weaker but my chest got stronger. I also convinced my brother to hit the gym by telling him i would buy him booze afterward (the underaged teenager who looks 25 buying booze for the yougner underaged teenager geg). For this current period of physical activity im going to try eating more protein rich food. Also ive once again started working on my roblox game so perhaps i will give updates doe the motivation is pretty low. Two days ago to power through game dev i discovered what happens when you take way too much caffeine, my skin still feels numb.
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>25 to buy booze
Americacas...
 
Today i went to a friperie (im unsure what the word is in english but a store where u can buy stuff people gave away for free) i was looking for scrap clothing for a medieval costume for a cosplay event thing im going to tomorow. Anyway i found this aquarium for 40 bucks, it came with a aquaclear 300, a heater (im going to throw it away i dont want my house catching on fire lol) and a plastic cover with a integrated neon. Just the filter would have cost me 70 bucks new so im pretty happy even doe i gotta change the silicone.
 

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9 x yoyo loach
8 x kuhli loach
7 x siamese algea eater (also a loach)
7 x Danio (6 zebra and one with zebra colors but a spotted pattern which was accidentaly sold to me)
3 x small brown catfish of a specie i forgot the name of
1 x L201 pleco
 
SNCA but what ever, im half way to getting the one month sober keychain, if i get there it's going to be the first time i get past the 24h keychain (yes i had in the past been sober for more than a month however i was not going to narcotic anonymous). I dont have very strong craving and when i get them i just tell myself to shut up and that i can just stay sober for one more day, problem is when i start thinking more long term. Since my birthday is somewhat soon (august), ive been making plans in my head on how i should get ketamine to celebrate and i cant shut up these stupid fucking thoughts, i dont want to be sober on my 18th birthday but i also want to be sober for the rest of my life, my brain wants to explode.
 
StudioCaca said:
SNCA but what ever, im half way to getting the one month sober keychain, if i get there it's going to be the first time i get past the 24h keychain (yes i had in the past been sober for more than a month however i was not going to narcotic anonymous). I dont have very strong craving and when i get them i just tell myself to shut up and that i can just stay sober for one more day, problem is when i start thinking more long term. Since my birthday is somewhat soon (august), ive been making plans in my head on how i should get ketamine to celebrate and i cant shut up these stupid fucking thoughts, i dont want to be sober on my 18th birthday but i also want to be sober for the rest of my life, my brain wants to explode.
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You should stay sober! You can do it my friend! The fight isn't over but you will win!! I believe in you!
 

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