Digital Memopad

molly said:
you don't have anyone to talk to? i'm almost in a voice chat the entire day
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No. I'm going to be real with you and say that it's probably because I'm insufferable beneath the surface. And even if that isn't true, having friends is very difficult for me because I've been conditioned to accept myself as a burden more than anything else.
I used to have Xbox parties in middle school with like 5-6 people. Looking back I've realized that they were laughing at me instead of with me.

Anyway that's enough wallowing in self-pity for today. I'm likely just going to have to get by as a one-man army for the rest of my life.
Xiuhcoyotl said:
post vocaroo
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I will when I get home, I'm out with my sister because she needs help with carrying food to the car. Oink.
 
Minuteman said:
No. I'm going to be real with you and say that it's probably because I'm insufferable beneath the surface. And even if that isn't true, having friends is very difficult for me because I've been conditioned to accept myself as a burden more than anything else.
I used to have Xbox parties in middle school with like 5-6 people. Looking back I've realized that they were laughing at me instead of with me.

Anyway that's enough wallowing in self-pity for today. I'm likely just going to have to get by as a one-man army for the rest of my life.
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you seem fine to me, i could see myself being friends with you pretty easily
 
molly said:
you seem fine to me, i could see myself being friends with you pretty easily
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A lot of people could probably be friends with me if they wanted to. This is going to sound retarded but the reason I think I struggle with this is that there's not much value to having me as a friend anyway. I'm not particularly interesting, I don't have any skills that stand out, I'm quite honestly pretty dull mentally, blah blah blah. I may seem acceptable by myself, but when you look at other people (hell, even just on this website!) I quickly lose any semblance of appeal I had.
Maybe it's just how culture is these days, seeing relationships as transactional or something. I'm not gonna whine about it.
 
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Minuteman said:
A lot of people could probably be friends with me if they wanted to. This is going to sound retarded but the reason I think I struggle with this is that there's not much value to having me as a friend anyway. I'm not particularly interesting, I don't have any skills that stand out, I'm quite honestly pretty dull mentally, blah blah blah. I may seem acceptable by myself, but when you look at other people (hell, even just on this website!) I quickly lose any semblance of appeal I had.
Maybe it's just how culture is this days, seeing relationships as transactional or something. I'm not gonna whine about it.
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you don't have to be any of those, you just have to share the same sense of humor as me
 
molly said:
you don't have to be any of those, you just have to share the same sense of humor as me
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That aside, thank you for the relatively kind words. I have a feeling that continuing this particular conversation is just going to be a drain on both of us. Have a nice night.
 
Minuteman said:
Sorry i forgot im tired goodnight
View attachment 77799
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2d24d5d8-a5ad-464b-b0dd-276b6dc257f2.jpeg
 
Last photo i took during high school before the final bell rang
I strangely miss that place despite how miserable I was there, maybe because I had a schedule and things to do. I wasn't just drifting through life.
IMG_20240524_114454.jpg
 
molly said:
everyone misses school
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Rose-tinted glasses, I guess. I definitely won't miss not packing enough food and starving, or the 45 minute bus ride to and from the campus every day.
If I went back in time and told myself how I feel now, my younger self would punch me in the face.
 
I think my parents are worried about my lack of success with relationships. I told my father a few days ago that I simply didn't have the time for it, and when he continued to pry I admitted that I'm likely not mentally fit for something like that. I have nothing to offer a woman at this point and probably never will, but there's still a cloud of uncertainty cast over my future. I don't see myself having a family (would rather not pass down autism), so that eliminates a lot of really good women.
I hate that I still yearn for this crap even though I'm exactly the opposite of what defines a good man. And as affirmative as I've been about a potential "one-man army" solution, that's going to be a lot to handle and cope with even for me. Used to be angry at the world for my misfortunes, though now I'm pretty content with it all. It's all in God's hands, and if I must accept the fact I was never cut out for anything related to relationships, I'm on my path to coming to terms with that.
 
Minuteman said:
I think my parents are worried about my lack of success with relationships. I told my father a few days ago that I simply didn't have the time for it, and when he continued to pry I admitted that I'm likely not mentally fit for something like that. I have nothing to offer a woman at this point and probably never will, but there's still a cloud of uncertainty cast over my future. I don't see myself having a family (would rather not pass down autism), so that eliminates a lot of really good women.
I hate that I still yearn for this crap even though I'm exactly the opposite of what defines a good man. And as affirmative as I've been about a potential "one-man army" solution, that's going to be a lot to handle and cope with even for me. Used to be angry at the world for my misfortunes, though now I'm pretty content with it all. It's all in God's hands, and if I must accept the fact I was never cut out for anything related to relationships, I'm on my path to coming to terms with that.
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u should work in a blue collar job. it's one of the things that got me back on track after my break up and damage from my ex
 
Xiuhcoyotl said:
u should work in a blue collar job. it's one of the things that got me back on track after my break up and damage from my ex
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That's probably where I'll end up, and I don't mean to say that's a bad thing. To be honest I don't think I'd enjoy a career involving my main skill (le heckin computers) especially if I'm just going to be some I.T. admin getting bitched at by office workers who make twice as much as I do all day. Sounds pretty grim.
While not all of those blue collar jobs involve physical labor, I'll probably need to get fit before I really start doing that stuff.
I knew from the get-go that I'm going to be a member of the working class, and as I'm approaching 6 months since my HS graduation I'm gonna be honest and say traditional college sounds fucking terrible and always has.
 
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