Real men confess unanonymously
When I first joined, I put up a mask and lied about who I was to try and get people to like me because I'm somewhat desperate for friendship, respect and validation. I actually don't like soyjaks or soy culture at all and am only here as a result of finding the anthro thread which was recommended to me while I was still browsing /trash/ and drawing for trash and after I was kicked out of Discord and unable to start a community with anyone. For a while I was alone and I felt like I had no idea who I was or what I was interested in, but every time without fail, it's the anthro community that for some reason, I gravitate towards. Since a lot of things have happened, I have started to notice that the primary residents of the anthro threads happen to be the most kindest, most respectful and genuinely most nicest users on this site and affiliated sites and as such I no longer feel the need to dodge the responsibility of being myself.
I went against a lot of users, from Smittical to princessparkles in an attempt to get some sort of validation from the users of this site that I would consider to be the most prominent, for a while, I gained the respect of many by hosting servers and creating stuff like Soyjak Wright, but ultimately as time goes on, their relevancy dwindles. This is noticable by the fact that nobody seems to talk about HWABAG anymore or care for that matter.
Ultimately, I feel like I've realized that the only thing I can do to stop being so miserable is to be myself, and as such I've noticed that I've contributed so much to a community that probably does actually care about me to the point where I still see people talking about me, when I thought that they would just forget about me, I even see some of my creations that I have made anonymously pop up from time to time and just recently, I decided to contribute to the Frootniversary event. With all of this considered, and the new identity which I created during the frootniversary event, I've decided that ultimately, I hate "Soygoy" and everything soy related and I dislike the reputation that I have garnered for myself and the name, it's gotten so bad that old memories of mine could have their old usernames swapped out for "Soygoy" and in my mind it would still be accurate, I knew when that happened that I had to change and now I want to be known as simply "s." or "sss5sss555s5s5s5", a username with a basis on silliness, inspired by something like Ullillilia.
So to summarize, I've put myself in an ultimatum where I can be miserable trying to get the validation of people who want nothing more than to troll me, or I can be myself and be like users on this site, who I idolize, people like Malzy_Moo, who just do what they do without caring about what others think. I could either be miserable, or be like Malzy_Moo and just be more and more of myself and do things that I enjoy doing, talk with people that I enjoy talking to, and for once, I might even get closer or as far as making a few friends, that is if I prioritize those kind and respectful people. Even MarioMan, I have somewhat softened up to, sure he has his flaws, but MarioMan is also a source of inspiration to me as he continues to do what he does without caring about what other people think.
I used to take this site way too seriously, so much so that I wanted to be the king of it, or be the most popular user on the site and for a while I actually thought I was, but it's not until now that I realized that I had fallen on my own sword or ensnared myself with my own curse to realize that being a people pleaser means you can't be yourself and as a result of me trying to inject more and more aspects about myself, e.g the fpe stuff, people started to hate me more and more and I can no longer bother to even interact with the trolls. I pretty much have a lot of people on ignore right now, and all of them usually have a Soy face profile picture, except for Chesnaught, who is completely fine.
Come september 19th 2024, I will be allowed to change my username to "s."
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