Schizo What would you do if you were sent to the soy afterlife?

gem

irl slopjak
🏅
Joined
Mar 6, 2024
Messages
345
Picture this. It is the near-future, and you just died; i dunno probably some IRL shittoko looking fuck jumped off a building and took you out with him by landing on you while you were out in the inner city for business.
<[REDDIT SPACE]
When you dieded, you are informed of what comes after by some incomprehensible entity (OMG JUST LIKE MY INCOMPREHENSABLE WOAJACKS!!). You weren't virtuous enough for Aryanheaven, but you weren't a big enough foodist pissbaby for Niggerhell either. Your relatives don't want to deal with you in their eternal peace and love NDE circlejerk, and God (singular, abrahamic) says they're full after billions of africans and brazilians started banging at their door (evendoe just make more room dumbass). Its over.
However, on account of having spent more than 1000 hours obsessing over the soysphere award, you are to be allowed into Soyhalla for your foreseeable eternity.[huh]:cobshock:
<[REDDIT SPACE]
Among other things, there are rivers of Soylent and Sproke. You will see many IRL soyjaks and other IAS native to this realm like slopjaks and fingerboys. Everyone gets a free Nintendo Switch and Funko Pops grow on trees. Jefre Cantu-Ledesma and various soy parodies can be heard playing in the background if you listen hard enough on a quiet day. Cockroaches are milkable (praise the science!). The moid to foid ratio is something like 100:1 and even thats a generous estimate. There is earthly internet, but the only websites it has are soysphere ones - everything else is gone. The latest soysphere post from the mortal world was from May 2056 on the SoyBooru, after which everything cuts off.
<[REDDIT SPACE]
If you die here, you're le heccin' dead forever, because The Soyience debunked the eternal soul because we're all just chemical reactions inside sacks of meat on a rock made of stardust going really fast and nothing matters and g*d isn't real and neither is free will. Or are you? Hmm? But you got here in the first place, so this proves something at least?
<[REDDIT SPACE]
What would you do in this situation? Are you in heaven, or have you been consigned to hell?
 
When was the last 4chan post?
the final 4cuck post was from about 2150. the only reason 4cuck shut down was because the new world order (or whatever) declared 4cuck an extremist site and forcibly shut it down because it was the last site where you could theoretically say nigger and do a heccin' racism (and even that was a stretch). but by then 4cuck was only 4cuck in name - by 2040 hiroshimoot sold it (not like he used his purchase anyway) and it had lost all resemblance to an imageboard as you may know it as it had completely metamorphosed into a porn site. shitposting had long since been banned on that zombified site, and by now you need to verify your phone number and government id to post on 4cuck.
the final 4cuck post shall be of an automated janny-approved spambot posting on an ai-gen loli thread on /b/. after that, everything goes dark.
 
Picture this. It is the near-future, and you just died; i dunno probably some IRL shittoko looking fuck jumped off a building and took you out with him by landing on you while you were out in the inner city for business.
<[REDDIT SPACE]
When you dieded, you are informed of what comes after by some incomprehensible entity (OMG JUST LIKE MY INCOMPREHENSABLE WOAJACKS!!). You weren't virtuous enough for Aryanheaven, but you weren't a big enough foodist pissbaby for Niggerhell either. Your relatives don't want to deal with you in their eternal peace and love NDE circlejerk, and God (singular, abrahamic) says they're full after billions of africans and brazilians started banging at their door (evendoe just make more room dumbass). Its over.
However, on account of having spent more than 1000 hours obsessing over the soysphere award, you are to be allowed into Soyhalla for your foreseeable eternity.[huh]:cobshock:
<[REDDIT SPACE]
Among other things, there are rivers of Soylent and Sproke. You will see many IRL soyjaks and other IAS native to this realm like slopjaks and fingerboys. Everyone gets a free Nintendo Switch and Funko Pops grow on trees. Jefre Cantu-Ledesma and various soy parodies can be heard playing in the background if you listen hard enough on a quiet day. Cockroaches are milkable (praise the science!). The moid to foid ratio is something like 100:1 and even thats a generous estimate. There is earthly internet, but the only websites it has are soysphere ones - everything else is gone. The latest soysphere post from the mortal world was from May 2056 on the SoyBooru, after which everything cuts off.
<[REDDIT SPACE]
If you die here, you're le heccin' dead forever, because The Soyience debunked the eternal soul because we're all just chemical reactions inside sacks of meat on a rock made of stardust going really fast and nothing matters and g*d isn't real and neither is free will. Or are you? Hmm? But you got here in the first place, so this proves something at least?
<[REDDIT SPACE]
What would you do in this situation? Are you in heaven, or have you been consigned to hell?
image0.jpeg
 
rape my 72 virgin wives or whatever the Q ran said
hm? but i dont think there have been more than 72 pvre virgin females in the entire history of the soysphere, let alone even 1. and i doubt the other soyshits in the realm with you are going to let you hog the grand total of maybe 10 foids that chose to go here.
unless... well, lets just say, theres going to be quite a few people who died virgins in soyhalla. theres probably going to be quite a few unironic soyshere trannies too. therefore, you WILL have your 72 virgin manwives and you WILL enjoy it...
allah spoke to me while on ketamine and told me this is 200% kosher and 1000% gay btw
 
hm? but i dont think there have been more than 72 pvre virgin females in the entire history of the soysphere, let alone even 1. and i doubt the other soyshits in the realm with you are going to let you hog the grand total of maybe 10 foids that chose to go here.
unless... well, lets just say, theres going to be quite a few people who died virgins in soyhalla. theres probably going to be quite a few unironic soyshere trannies too. therefore, you WILL have your 72 virgin manwives and you WILL enjoy it...
allah spoke to me while on ketamine and told me this is 200% kosher and 1000% gay btw
so does that mean that all wiminz who have joined the soisphere have been ran thru?
 
i dont think there have been more than 72 pvre virgin females in the entire history of the soysphere, let alone even 1.
I’m volcel because sex gives you cooties
 
Fym theres “aren’t many ladies theres” nigger its literally heaven
It's the soy afterlife. Most soyboys are men. And most soysphere users are men. Where would the ladies come from?
 
Back
Top