I remember as far back as when I was 8-9 years old I would be afraid to watch certain Vsauce videos because of the dread I'd get. I was also afraid a black hole would swallow the Earth and I had a dream where it did on the first day of 6th grade and mom had to comfort me. Nowadays, I sometimes fall into solipsism (the belief you're the only person with sentience; that everything originates from your mind) but I realize I just need to socialize more and be careful with my meds.
What about you guys?
Yes, because I'm also a sperg. I often feel like my life isn't real, and also often wonder whether I'm the only real person and everyone else isn't real. I have, for a long time, frequently found myself lost in a world of solipsistic existentialism, which is typical autism on my part.
This existential short story has always stayed in my mind. I still think about it more than any other story I've ever read:
https://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html
I honestly consider myself a nihilist. I would like to think that there is some meaning in life, but I honestly feel like all spiritual and religious beliefs are just coping mechanisms for people who can't handle the harsh realities (and harsh meaninglessness) of life. At the same time, I do think that the idea of everyone being the same person in a different life seems far more plausible than any other spiritual beliefs.
I do find it mind-boggling that everything came from nothing. If there is some kind of god, I can't help but ask: what kind of sick, evil god would create a world like this? Certainly not a god that I want to have anything to do with. Epicurus said it best: "Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
The therapist that I'm required to go to told me that perhaps God wanted to have a real relationship with his creation (man) rather than have a robot with no free will. Still, if God is omnipotent and omniscient, then God would have had to have known how evil his creations would be, which raises the same questions as above.