Look pal, I'm not your therapist so I'll keep it short; you probably did something that was slightly girly a couple times in your younger days and liked it so you've confirmation bias'ed yourself into believing that you're a woman, really you claim that the fetishists don't know what it feels like to be a woman yet you never will either. Honestly if you accepted the fact that you're a dude you'd have a better life but copium feels better then solving your problems doesn't it? So many trannies say >OH I'M DIFFERENT but they aren't, you're dime a dozen.