Autism My vlog

StudioCaca

StudioCaca

This sobriety thing is'nt working out
GOLDEN GOD
Joined
Dec 9, 2024
Messages
1,665
Hello i am ? idk what to myself but i come from Quebec and i am an aspie xister. I have been described by strangers as having an "aura" or being very "different" and in rehab i was called the funniest guy. Talking about rehab i am a drug addict, i havent touched hard shit in a year and i am currently going in and out of cycles of substance abuse. Outside of drugs i spend my days doing pretty much fuck all as i am waiting to start studying history in a pre university thing that only exists in Quebec. Doe the few things i do is two days a week i see my autistic friends and play board games with them , i enjoy boxing/working out and learn about history/philosophy. I am a very neutral pilled individual as i know for a fact that politics is all bullshit even doe im going to vote once i am 18 just because it is my duty. My plan is once im done im going straigth away up north in the reserve (or any other reserves in the same general area) i grew up in as a kid but this time as a high school history teacher. I know i will be able to this due to two facts first of all they need teachers and secondly my mom has been working there for almost a decade now. Also physically im 17 i am 6'1 200lbs mostly muscle but also some fat as i kinda been eating too much slop and not working out egnough as of recently. Other wise yeah physically im that statue but with less visible muscle and zero abs. My hair is dark/strawberry blonde and my beard is a kind of mix between dark blonde and ginger doe as a child i had hair so blonde it looked white. Also i have been told that i have quite a nice butt by guys in the locker room (im guessing the beard makes them think im not a minor). Yeah sometimes i do cool shit so ima post that when it happens.
1733933704897.jpeg
 
best journal on the entire blog GO UP
 
StudioCaca said:
Talking about rehab i am a drug addict, i havent touched hard shit in a year and i am currently going in and out of cycles of substance abuse.
Click to expand...
grim
I wish you recover fully and never touch anything ever again
 
soyjack said:
grim
I wish you recover fully and never touch anything ever again
Click to expand...
Eh its chill im a drug addict but im one of the less grim cases i managed to get myself together before it got really bad. Got caugth by the police rigth after visiting the plug last year so my parents got me to go to rehab after that. Best thing that happened to me i had gotten my plug to source me heroin and i was supposed to get it 2 days after i got arrested. Never got too much into coke my thing was allways NMDA antagonists , psych or amphetamines (never smoked meth only took it in pills) you know the actually fun uppers. For christmas im doing molly with the only friend i have who isnt autistic. But yeah drugs are awesome but the worst descision anybody can do genuinly stick away from that shit.
 
I go on the balance before and after shitting and today i think i hit my pr record a 10lbs shit
 
StudioCaca said:
Hello i am ? idk what to myself but i come from Quebec and i am an aspie xister. I have been described by strangers as having an "aura" or being very "different" and in rehab i was called the funniest guy. Talking about rehab i am a drug addict, i havent touched hard shit in a year and i am currently going in and out of cycles of substance abuse. Outside of drugs i spend my days doing pretty much fuck all as i am waiting to start studying history in a pre university thing that only exists in Quebec. Doe the few things i do is two days a week i see my autistic friends and play board games with them , i enjoy boxing/working out and learn about history/philosophy. I am a very neutral pilled individual as i know for a fact that politics is all bullshit even doe im going to vote once i am 18 just because it is my duty. My plan is once im done im going straigth away up north in the reserve (or any other reserves in the same general area) i grew up in as a kid but this time as a high school history teacher. I know i will be able to this due to two facts first of all they need teachers and secondly my mom has been working there for almost a decade now. Also physically im 17 i am 6'1 200lbs mostly muscle but also some fat as i kinda been eating too much slop and not working out egnough as of recently. Other wise yeah physically im that statue but with less visible muscle and zero abs. My hair is dark/strawberry blonde and my beard is a kind of mix between dark blonde and ginger doe as a child i had hair so blonde it looked white. Also i have been told that i have quite a nice butt by guys in the locker room (im guessing the beard makes them think im not a minor). Yeah sometimes i do cool shit so ima post that when it happens.
View attachment 87097
Click to expand...
Do you like fpe saar?
 
Okay yesterday i got a bit too high smoked some crystal on mushrooms. God damn it was fucking awesome the pure rush of euphoria not even comparable to taking it orally. Anyhow i entered a sort of state where im unsure if i was psychothic or incredibly well connected to my emotions anyway i was fucked out of my mind. I talked to my subconcious and he told to not do drugs because i would end up a homeless drug addict like my dad. I think i now know what freud ment with the subconcious too because he was out of his mind on coke and kinda discovered or theorised its existance and i think its activated by dopamine. Because i thinking about it yesterday and addicts they often tell you that they found god and when i spoke to my subconcious it felt like it wasnt myself but another being. In rehab they told us the only way to become sober was to create a higher being/god to speak to in order to help quit drugs.
 
Im going a to narcotic anonymous meeting with my dad

Edit after the meeting: It was chill not sure if its gonna help with staying sober but some bitch had a tantrum broke off a wood stoves chimney and threw it lol.
 
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Damn... spoke to my grandma on my dad's side. She is entering early dementia and shes getting pumped full of morphine due to unrelated health issue it was really strange she really isnt acting like herself. She is still there but she is switching between french and english constantly with a OLD french ontarian accent, normaly she just acts like any old rich british elderly woman you know tea and biscuits but she was laughing at everything and saying how everything was beautifull.
 
Yesterday my mom found a OZ of weed in my backpack my instant reaction was to run into the woods and take anything i had on me which included a big bag of mushrooms. Worst fucking trip of my life like genuinly i wanted to kill myself so fucking much my short term memory was so fucked i coudnt even remember the begining of my sentences. I just wanted time so i could stop thinking, i was constantly repeating the same moment over and over and over an infinite loop of pain and distress. I was angry at the world for existing and not letting me kill myself because if i did then it would cause more pain then it would end. Anyhow dont do drugs kids and especially dont eat the rest of the bag in a panic lol worst descision ever.
 
Had a nice christmas yesterday (catholics celebrate on the 24th) i got various food items, a very nice pimp looking nigthrobe and good old money. Today im going to see my best friend and were planning to explode our brains with amphetamines and get sum hoes in a bar. Never been in a bar before hopefully i wont get ID but since even the government owned liquor stores dont ID me i think i will be fine (ive only been ID once in my life) . My buddy he calls himself a drug addict really hes just a stoner anyhow tonigth he wants to try molly so were gonna try finding a pusher, i migth do a couple lines of coke too to see if its really that much better when you are drunk. We were supposed to also do 2-CB but he bougth it from a fake ass site lol im pretty sure he got scammed.
 
StudioCaca said:
Damn... spoke to my grandma on my dad's side. She is entering early dementia and shes getting pumped full of morphine due to unrelated health issue it was really strange she really isnt acting like herself. She is still there but she is switching between french and english constantly with a OLD french ontarian accent, normaly she just acts like any old rich british elderly woman you know tea and biscuits but she was laughing at everything and saying how everything was beautifull.
Click to expand...
StudioCaca said:
Yesterday my mom found a OZ of weed in my backpack my instant reaction was to run into the woods and take anything i had on me which included a big bag of mushrooms. Worst fucking trip of my life like genuinly i wanted to kill myself so fucking much my short term memory was so fucked i coudnt even remember the begining of my sentences. I just wanted time so i could stop thinking, i was constantly repeating the same moment over and over and over an infinite loop of pain and distress. I was angry at the world for existing and not letting me kill myself because if i did then it would cause more pain then it would end. Anyhow dont do drugs kids and especially dont eat the rest of the bag in a panic lol worst descision ever.
Click to expand...
StudioCaca said:
Had a nice christmas yesterday (catholics celebrate on the 24th) i got various food items, a very nice pimp looking nigthrobe and good old money. Today im going to see my best friend and were planning to explode our brains with amphetamines and get sum hoes in a bar. Never been in a bar before hopefully i wont get ID but since even the government owned liquor stores dont ID me i think i will be fine (ive only been ID once in my life) . My buddy he calls himself a drug addict really hes just a stoner anyhow tonigth he wants to try molly so were gonna try finding a pusher, i migth do a couple lines of coke too to see if its really that much better when you are drunk. We were supposed to also do 2-CB but he bougth it from a fake ass site lol im pretty sure he got scammed.
Click to expand...
Sincerest apologies if I come across as an asshole, but you seem to have a problem with drugs. When did this start?
 
Dr. Soytan said:
Sincerest apologies if I come across as an asshole, but you seem to have a problem with drugs. When did this start?
Click to expand...
Nah its chill i allredy know im a drug addict, It started when i was born probably as litterally EVERY male on either my moms or dad side have substance abuse problems. Both my grandpas are stoners/alcoholics, my dad was/is a cocaine/heroin addict doe hes made a HUGE effort to stay sober since i was born. My uncle used to be a speed addict but now hes just a chronic stoner. Doe the moment when i started drug abuse was when i was i believe 14 or 15 when i started smoking hash behind dumpsters with some of the native kids. I had been sober from hard drugs for over a year up until very recently when i smoked meth for the first and hopefully also the last time. After this little christmas celebration im gonna start going to meetings and my goal is to have atleast 6 months of sobriety, this time should be easier than my first attempt at sobriety as i am currently not physically addicted to anything im just on the path towards a bad addiction.
 
1735396562158.png

>people are trying to trick you into thinking that they know the secrets about the fish!!!
 
1735748091879.png

God damn i just saw this old (last march) pic of me before i started boxing and fuck i gotta lose that 40 pounds i gained since then, time to end the dirty bulk and go on a cut.
 
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