ArmaLite
Guest
I can't believe I've dug myself into this hole. To be clear: I have NOT had sex in any form with anyone (male or female) and that's probably the only thing keeping me from killing myself.
Here's the whole story: in August 2022 I was a 16-year-old lonely autistic loser who was desperate for any kind of companionship and praise. I ended up posting my 'cord tag on some 4chan /soc/ thread one night. This was not a sexual thing; I clearly stated I was only looking for friends. Obviously it was still a bad idea, I know. Most of the people that added me were fairly boring losers who didn't really have anything in common with me and I stopped talking to them within days. One of them stuck around and I did basically end up getting "groomed" by her. You might be surprised to know that this was indeed an actual 21-year-old XX female (an Asian one, too). She even sent me a timestamped picture of her face to prove it. We started out just talking about various random crap and how our lives were awful. This kind of talk went on for a while. She eventually started pushing femboy crap on me around October '22 and being the naïve attention-starved retard I am, I fell for it. I did end up sending her pictures of my thighs and stomach. It never quite progressed to nudes, but it probably would've. Nothing really came of this but I do feel like it had a significant impact on my developing brain. We eventually drifted apart and I don't talk to her much anymore. I think a big reason why I fell for her antics was that I'm a pretty faggy-looking dude already. I have long, fluffy hair, I'm underweight, and I have a babyface.
That significant impact I mentioned effectively molded me into a faggot. I stopped cooming to women and instead did it to femboy/twink garbage. Never really used porn, just my imagination. Now, two years later, I can't fucking go back to being a straight normal guy. It hurts because my childhood was fairly normal and I had loving parents who did their best to raise me. I also used to be somewhat religious (Christian) and I got baptized a few years before all this crap happened.
Anyway, I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do at this point. Like I said, I never did end up losing my virginity (although I did send pictures to dudes after I turned 18 for monetary rewards) but I still feel so fucking dirty and disgusted in myself. Is there no turning back? And if I can fix things, what the fuck should I do? Sorry for this word salad, I'm in a rush. Please feel free to ask questions.
Here's the whole story: in August 2022 I was a 16-year-old lonely autistic loser who was desperate for any kind of companionship and praise. I ended up posting my 'cord tag on some 4chan /soc/ thread one night. This was not a sexual thing; I clearly stated I was only looking for friends. Obviously it was still a bad idea, I know. Most of the people that added me were fairly boring losers who didn't really have anything in common with me and I stopped talking to them within days. One of them stuck around and I did basically end up getting "groomed" by her. You might be surprised to know that this was indeed an actual 21-year-old XX female (an Asian one, too). She even sent me a timestamped picture of her face to prove it. We started out just talking about various random crap and how our lives were awful. This kind of talk went on for a while. She eventually started pushing femboy crap on me around October '22 and being the naïve attention-starved retard I am, I fell for it. I did end up sending her pictures of my thighs and stomach. It never quite progressed to nudes, but it probably would've. Nothing really came of this but I do feel like it had a significant impact on my developing brain. We eventually drifted apart and I don't talk to her much anymore. I think a big reason why I fell for her antics was that I'm a pretty faggy-looking dude already. I have long, fluffy hair, I'm underweight, and I have a babyface.
That significant impact I mentioned effectively molded me into a faggot. I stopped cooming to women and instead did it to femboy/twink garbage. Never really used porn, just my imagination. Now, two years later, I can't fucking go back to being a straight normal guy. It hurts because my childhood was fairly normal and I had loving parents who did their best to raise me. I also used to be somewhat religious (Christian) and I got baptized a few years before all this crap happened.
Anyway, I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do at this point. Like I said, I never did end up losing my virginity (although I did send pictures to dudes after I turned 18 for monetary rewards) but I still feel so fucking dirty and disgusted in myself. Is there no turning back? And if I can fix things, what the fuck should I do? Sorry for this word salad, I'm in a rush. Please feel free to ask questions.
