This is a bit unusual and I'm not trying to be dramatic: what am I supposed to do if my OCD-like symptoms have started manifesting themselves even in the form of prayer?
I've always been good about praying at least every night before bed, it's how I formally end my day and it also provides an opportunity for me to start thinking about tomorrow. This has never caused any problems before.
During the past few days, my "OCD" has gotten really bad. I have to wear gloves because my hands bleed from washing them over and over, I go through multiple outfits in a day even though they don't get dirty, my weight keeps falling since the cleaning rituals make me not want to eat, things like that. It's starting to become debilitating.
What's really stressing me out is that now it's even affecting prayer and my faith. I literally just have to say the same prayer over and over again until it feels "right", could be anywhere from 4-8 times. After I get done with that, I say the word "amen" like a WW2 submachine gun under my breath. Most of the time my compulsions are fueled by a desire to be clean (literally, like the hand washing I mentioned). This stuff is worse, there's like a divine "guilt" to it almost. Basically I feel like I'll be punished or cursed if I don't engage in the compulsions.
I know deep down that the Lord wouldn't want me to be suffering like this; the last thing He'd want is for me to feel afraid of Him, to dread the simple act of praying. All I'm doing is making it almost meaningless, my conversations getting reduced to incoherent word salads that have put a bigger barrier between me and Christ than every other time I've questioned my faith combined. It's awful, today I even broke down a bit during my "ritual" session and just kept asking what's so horribly wrong with me. Like my subconscious is actively working against me.