- Joined
- Oct 28, 2024
- Messages
- 5,847
i won't bore you with every little detail, but during my early teenage years i started to doubt the existence of God. not because i had some crazy complex set of reasons, it mainly boiled down to a loss of "morale" (across all aspects of my life) and poor experiences with churches that my parents had taken me to regularly as a child.
not once did i consider being a true athiest though. i still think that camp is rather silly; they believe religion is all a bunch of fairy tales concocted as a byproduct of the human mind, yet make an exception for science (despite the huge amount of literal inconsistencies and questions that still have no definite answer). to me atheism is like the other side of the horseshoe, where many aspects are ironically closer to religious concepts than they realize.
anyway like i said i wasn't very fond of church as a kid, and looking back i think i was right. all of the churches my parents took me to were like apple stores, the pastor was focused on making people have a connection to the church's "identity" while putting Christ on the back burner. basically just corporate shit that (dare i say) is the most disgusting product of capitalism. in my group we'd read the same few scriptures rotated every few weeks for like 20 minutes and then fuck around for the remaining 40.
i eventually circled back around to Christianity because it turns out there's a lot more to it than i was led to believe. even when i was scraping the surface by skimming over shitty wikipedia articles i was kinda amazed almost, by the depth to it and how its message resonated with me. i also believe it would be beneficial for me to devote myself to it. when i was agnostic it almost trapped me in a forever cycle of "i'm not sure. why does this matter? how do you know? ehhh... we'll see". some people can live like that but it really did start to drain the life out of me.
won't pretend like i'm a truly "good" believer, because i still have a lot to work on and knowledge to process. i do think it would be a good thing for me to go this route, at the very least i can say that i'm doing quite a bit better than i used to be. having a gf to talk about my worries/questions with is really helpful too.
not once did i consider being a true athiest though. i still think that camp is rather silly; they believe religion is all a bunch of fairy tales concocted as a byproduct of the human mind, yet make an exception for science (despite the huge amount of literal inconsistencies and questions that still have no definite answer). to me atheism is like the other side of the horseshoe, where many aspects are ironically closer to religious concepts than they realize.
anyway like i said i wasn't very fond of church as a kid, and looking back i think i was right. all of the churches my parents took me to were like apple stores, the pastor was focused on making people have a connection to the church's "identity" while putting Christ on the back burner. basically just corporate shit that (dare i say) is the most disgusting product of capitalism. in my group we'd read the same few scriptures rotated every few weeks for like 20 minutes and then fuck around for the remaining 40.
i eventually circled back around to Christianity because it turns out there's a lot more to it than i was led to believe. even when i was scraping the surface by skimming over shitty wikipedia articles i was kinda amazed almost, by the depth to it and how its message resonated with me. i also believe it would be beneficial for me to devote myself to it. when i was agnostic it almost trapped me in a forever cycle of "i'm not sure. why does this matter? how do you know? ehhh... we'll see". some people can live like that but it really did start to drain the life out of me.
won't pretend like i'm a truly "good" believer, because i still have a lot to work on and knowledge to process. i do think it would be a good thing for me to go this route, at the very least i can say that i'm doing quite a bit better than i used to be. having a gf to talk about my worries/questions with is really helpful too.
