Baqqrih's Journal

baqqrih

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I wanted a place with more organization than posts on my own profile (which is how I've previously written such things on here) to write down interesting occurrences in my days or noteworthy thoughts that come to my head, and so I will use this thread to do that. I do not figure that this will be a "here's all of what happened in my day" type of "journal," but much rather, a place for sharing minute happenings of my life or little things that I find interesting.
Today, I read some online, translated excerpts from Saint Paisios' spiritual counseling text Family Life. Before today, I did not know that Paisios wrote with such an engrossing style of explanation. His analogies remind me of ones I employ in my own writing, yet his are clearly superior with how straightforward their exposition is, I'd say. One paragraph that fascinated me greatly within these excerpts was this one:
>Little differences in the characters or personalities of spouses actually help couples to create a harmonious family, for the one completes the other. In a car it is necessary to use the gas pedal to go forward, but also the brake pedal to stop. If the car only had brakes it wouldn’t go anywhere; and if it only had gears, it wouldn’t be able to stop. Do you know what I said to one couple? “Because you are similar, you don’t match!” They are both sensitive. If something happens at home, both of them lose it and start-up: The one, “Oh, what we suffer!” The other, “Oh, what we suffer!” In other words, the one causes the other to lose hope even more! Neither is able to comfort the other a little by saying, “Hold on, our situation is not that serious”. I’ve seen this in many couples.
This above paragraph, regarding the topic of those "little differences" reminded me a bit of my own romantic relationship. In the love that my girlfriend and I have, there's enough of a common appreciation of our interests to where we can bond easily with one another, yet in our relations comes a difference in temperament that still provides this healthy, harmonious contrast Paisios writes of (I do not know how to very accurately describe that temperamental difference right now, however, since I am writing this at a later hour of the night, and so my head has emptied itself of good adjectives).
One other excerpt that I found insightful was this one, on the topic of the blessings of struggle:
>Many men, however, after asking God to give them opportunities to practice the virtues, grumble when they are faced with a certain difficulty. For example, sometimes the Good God, in His boundless love, and in order to provide practice in humility and patience, will take away his Grace from the wife, and she will begin acting outlandishly and treating the husband inconsiderately. Then the husband should not complain, but rather rejoice and thank God for the opportunity to struggle which He has given him. Or, a mother asks God to grant her patience. Her little child then comes in, and as soon as she has the table set for dinner, he pulls on the table cloth and everything spills on the floor. At such times it’s as if the child is saying to his mother: “Mama, be patient!”
These are encouraging words that the Saint writes for us here. These paining struggles in life will come forth by God's will so that you may find in overcoming them a blessed result of spiritual improvement. This fact gives every issue you will ever toil through in your life a reason for that toiling. It is for your growth. To try my hand at an analogy in imitation of Saint Paisios', just like how children must grow to a certain height to ride on roller coasters, we all must grow to the spiritual height God wills us to amount to through the "growing pains" of our existence.
Finally, on an unrelated note, here is a foreign tune that I like.
 
I was thinking just now, and in that moment realized that I could have come up with a cleverer thread title to this post than the one that I did. "Bloggrih" was one such title that came to mind, haha.
I saw a very fluffy dog today. An old friend of my father's who lives some miles away had spare tools in his garage that he wanted to supply us with, for he had no use of them, yet my father does, and so we drove over there, gathered the tools by the will of the wrinkly, mustached friend's generosity and kindness in donating them, and returned home, but not without first petting the man's dog. I do not know what breed the little thing was, but it resembled a poodle, except with a far shorter stature, and, somehow, within just seven months of living, it had grown its fur to an extreme degree (not to any extent harmful to its health, but simply looking absurd in appearance, like a snowball). Perhaps one of its parents was a Bichon Frise. Those ones can sure get shaggy.
It yapped incessantly as we arrived at the man's driveway, held on a tightened leash by his small, elderly hands as it stood on its hind legs for a moment, the force of its frantic curiosity driving it to charge towards us as we disembarked from our truck, the old man then unleashing it. It was a funny, charming creature, rolling on its back, its tongue flopping from its mouth in a clumsy smile after toppling over when it attempted to leap up and paw at my waist. The Good Lord is an artist, certainly, with how He can create such precious beings.
Besides my canine encounter, I also stargazed for some minutes tonight--around an hour ago--as the skies are much clearer now that spring is settling into the year. My statement just now about God's artistry is further affirmed by such beauties in our sky. It is as if the heavens themselves shine through the stars, like little holes plucked through our sky to the realm of glory beyond, with how much simple beauty they shimmer down to the human gaze. And, just think of how many eyes they've blessed. Billions of souls have lived under these beacons of the Christ's limitless talent, and billions now reside in the heavens, and we will be with them, to bask in even immenser beauties as we work with one another in love, serving The Lord. I just smile thinking of it all, for I know it will all be so great, and that we will never lose our smiles once we arrive there, hallelujah. God be praised for all time ever.
 
Bloggrih is a great idea! Looking forward to seeing what else you end up cooking in here
 
I'm deeply troubled by the fact that my girlfriend may be developing some sort of depression. I got off of a rather sorrowful phone call with her earlier this hour regarding her family situation, and how things were rather terrible for her tonight, for her father's quite attached to the bottle (yet another family in America harmed by the vicious alcohol industry) and her mother has become very naggy apparently ever since the man's alcoholism worsened last year, to where he's now a drunken sop for many nights of her week, and she (the mother) has a habit of provoking him often. This has resulted tonight in the man yelling at both my lady and her mother over the recent stress that inhabits him regarding his job, and how he feels that they both have not been supporting him enough in the midst of that.
That then degenerated into other criticisms of my girlfriend before her father went to bed, including--among other things like the significant amount of schoolwork that she's trying to handle at the moment--that she seems more focused on talking to me every night than with spending time with her family (she herself believes that she appropriately balances these two relations, and I'm inclined to agree). So, she sulked to me tonight on the phone over all of the pressure she feels from her environment, to which, in my best efforts, I tried to comfort her with tender words.
As usual for a Wednesday, I saw her today in class, where she was still her routine, quiet, affectionate self, and where we talked as we normally do over our usual fascinations together, yet she hadn't ever opened up to me as much as she has just earlier tonight over the sheer vituperation that she endures every now and then from her dad. I've provided my love and care to her previously when she's brought up to me her stresses over family matters, but I was unaware of how rough these matters truly sound until tonight. I'm deeply worried about her, since I love this woman very much, and so I'd like to ask for prayers for her and her family from those who do read this.
 
I read today an essay written by, of all folk, an aerospace engineer who, in this particular text, discussed various means by which the West and its eugenicist abortionist villains, headed by America, have used "population control" methods in order to disrupt the creation of billions of lives on this planet, primarily in third world countries. It only really re-affirmed my hatred for eugenics, contraception, the United States, and, of course, legalized child murder itself. These people are very wretched.
https://pravoslavie.ru/54248.html
Oh, and my girlfriend is doing a bit better. I only saw her once in person today--briefly during a passing period at school--but she at least had a little smile return to her face when we hugged. She also told me on the phone earlier this evening that her father seems to be back to normal for today, a beer still in his hand, but with a far calmer demeanor, seeming to ignore the turmoil he put her through last night (not that she'd want to remind him of it anyway, for that'd probably just piss him off again).
We're hoping for another date this weekend on Saturday so that she can get out of the house and so that we can have another pleasant time together. I suggested visiting a nearby creek again, which is where we went last time to sit and chat, and I baked cookies tonight with my mother (not the best we've made, as they aren't as soft as usual, but they're good enough), so I'll probably bring some of those for us to share. It's been a rough week, but that should be a nice end to it.
 
I'm deeply troubled by the fact that my girlfriend may be developing some sort of depression. I got off of a rather sorrowful phone call with her earlier this hour regarding her family situation, and how things were rather terrible for her tonight, for her father's quite attached to the bottle (yet another family in America harmed by the vicious alcohol industry) and her mother has become very naggy apparently ever since the man's alcoholism worsened last year, to where he's now a drunken sop for many nights of her week, and she (the mother) has a habit of provoking him often. This has resulted tonight in the man yelling at both my lady and her mother over the recent stress that inhabits him regarding his job, and how he feels that they both have not been supporting him enough in the midst of that.
That then degenerated into other criticisms of my girlfriend before her father went to bed, including--among other things like the significant amount of schoolwork that she's trying to handle at the moment--that she seems more focused on talking to me every night than with spending time with her family (she herself believes that she appropriately balances these two relations, and I'm inclined to agree). So, she sulked to me tonight on the phone over all of the pressure she feels from her environment, to which, in my best efforts, I tried to comfort her with tender words.
As usual for a Wednesday, I saw her today in class, where she was still her routine, quiet, affectionate self, and where we talked as we normally do over our usual fascinations together, yet she hadn't ever opened up to me as much as she has just earlier tonight over the sheer vituperation that she endures every now and then from her dad. I've provided my love and care to her previously when she's brought up to me her stresses over family matters, but I was unaware of how rough these matters truly sound until tonight. I'm deeply worried about her, since I love this woman very much, and so I'd like to ask for prayers for her and her family from those who do read this.
Well, her and I broke up last night. I don’t really want to write about it too deeply, but what I would still like to say is that it wasn’t something either of us wanted, but it was what her family wanted, and her and I are still going to be friends until she heads off to college. In brevity, we still love each other, but her parents started to dislike that, and so we can’t express that love to each other anymore. I’m just in a poor mood at the moment. This lady is the only person in my life who has always valued what I have to say.
 
I'm deeply troubled by the fact that my girlfriend may be developing some sort of depression. I got off of a rather sorrowful phone call with her earlier this hour regarding her family situation, and how things were rather terrible for her tonight, for her father's quite attached to the bottle (yet another family in America harmed by the vicious alcohol industry) and her mother has become very naggy apparently ever since the man's alcoholism worsened last year, to where he's now a drunken sop for many nights of her week, and she (the mother) has a habit of provoking him often. This has resulted tonight in the man yelling at both my lady and her mother over the recent stress that inhabits him regarding his job, and how he feels that they both have not been supporting him enough in the midst of that.
That then degenerated into other criticisms of my girlfriend before her father went to bed, including--among other things like the significant amount of schoolwork that she's trying to handle at the moment--that she seems more focused on talking to me every night than with spending time with her family (she herself believes that she appropriately balances these two relations, and I'm inclined to agree). So, she sulked to me tonight on the phone over all of the pressure she feels from her environment, to which, in my best efforts, I tried to comfort her with tender words.
As usual for a Wednesday, I saw her today in class, where she was still her routine, quiet, affectionate self, and where we talked as we normally do over our usual fascinations together, yet she hadn't ever opened up to me as much as she has just earlier tonight over the sheer vituperation that she endures every now and then from her dad. I've provided my love and care to her previously when she's brought up to me her stresses over family matters, but I was unaware of how rough these matters truly sound until tonight. I'm deeply worried about her, since I love this woman very much, and so I'd like to ask for prayers for her and her family from those who do read this.
Try listening to some rage (the sub-genre of trap) music to prevent depression. OsamaSon worked for me. I can relate or I don't think I can relate as I never maintain any real connections with people which is why i stopped making friends entirely. It's in between.
 
I'm not joking, I'm being serious. I don't think I'm depressed but I just don't give a shit about anything. Sorry I can't relate to you in that, it's just my shitty attempt at helping.
 
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I'm not joking, I'm being serious. I don't think I'm depressed but I just don't give a shit about anything. Sorry I can't relate to you in that, it's just my shitty attempt at helping.
I can at least appreciate the notion, if not the tunes. Thank you.
 
Well, her and I broke up last night. I don’t really want to write about it too deeply, but what I would still like to say is that it wasn’t something either of us wanted, but it was what her family wanted, and her and I are still going to be friends until she heads off to college. In brevity, we still love each other, but her parents started to dislike that, and so we can’t express that love to each other anymore. I’m just in a poor mood at the moment. This lady is the only person in my life who has always valued what I have to say.
Goodness, are you alright?
 
Goodness, are you alright?
Emotionally, not really, but I'm just trying to avoid thinking too much of it. Perhaps it sounds cliche, but this woman was truly "the light" of my mortal existence. She's been the only person of my personal life who I could really talk to comfortably about my faith and my interests. Everyone else I know seems to rather show no interest in or lack tolerance of my ideas. I start to pout out of impulse every time that I think of that reality.
 
Here's another Russian tune that I like. Its sound has helped me in these bad hours. There's something so "transcendent" about the sounds of these odd instruments, as if they are incarnate blessings of Christ in their harmonious noise. I only long for heaven the more I listen. Some sort of joy must come from this day.
 
Here's another Russian tune that I like. Its sound has helped me in these bad hours. There's something so "transcendent" about the sounds of these odd instruments, as if they are incarnate blessings of Christ in their harmonious noise. I only long for heaven the more I listen. Some sort of joy must come from this day.
That was nice to hear mr. Backckrih
 
I'm feeling a bit better today. I still feel like I'm lacking something in my life, and that feeling will probably be in my heart for some time, but I did get to see her beautiful face again today, for we conversed in class together as we always have since we first began talking with one another last year. The conversation was relieving, at least, to simply know that she is still "with me" in some sort of relation. She told me that she isn't allowed to call or text me anymore from home, so I'll only be able to speak with her directly at school, where I only see her in that class, but, as I said, at least her presence and her precious voice will still accompany me for the next class periods that we have together this year before she graduates and I never see her again. In addition, she apparently seems to feel the same way that I do about how things ended; dejected, but glad that we still have one another as school friends. It is not a dreadful loss for either of us, it would seem. Terrible, yet not horrid.
"Emotion befuddlement" is how I'd describe my current state. My throat still tightens if I think too deeply of how much this lady means to me, yet I only find myself seeming ungrateful in doing that, for, truly, this situation, of being forced to restrain my love for her, is unfortunate, yet there are even people here on this site who have gone through far more terrible losses, and here I am whimpering in bed these past few nights over the fact that I can't cuddle a girl or tell her "I love you" anymore? That only seems pathetic.
 
it aint something pathetic to lament over, ur good bro. others having gone through worse and you comparing it to what ur going through belittling yourself over it is pathetic however.
my view here is most certainly insensitive and simplistic but i think as so, that if it is meant to be it will be, like it wont end here if both of you truly wish it to keep going even if this is a speed bump in your romantic relationship.

stay strong buddy you will make it just keep on putting one foot in front of the other until you reach the grave and you will have lived a worthy life as long as you keep moving forward. (me projecting a bit on the end here dont mind me)
 
others having gone through worse and you comparing it to what ur going through belittling yourself over it is pathetic however.
You're right.
my view here is most certainly insensitive and simplistic but i think as so, that if it is meant to be it will be, like it wont end here if both of you truly wish it to keep going even if this is a speed bump in your romantic relationship.
Also a truthful statement which I must thank you for. I'm going to try and stay in contact with her once she leaves my area if I'm able. By the will and grace and blessing of Almighty God, perhaps we'll even be able to continue our relationship in the future. We'll simply have to see where He takes us.
stay strong buddy you will make it just keep on putting one foot in front of the other until you reach the grave and you will have lived a worthy life as long as you keep moving forward. (me projecting a bit on the end here dont mind me)
Thank you, man, truly. I appreciate your words.
 
Tertullian had a very eloquent quill. I thought I'd share tonight a quotation from him on the topic of abortion:
>But Christians now are so far from homicide, that with them it is utterly unlawful to make away a child in the womb, when nature is in deliberation about the man; for to kill a child before it is born is to commit murder by way of advance; and there is no difference whether you destroy a child in its formation, or after it is formed and delivered. For we Christians look upon him as a man, who is one in embryo; for he is in being, like the fruit in blossom, and in a little time would have been a perfect man, had nature met with no disturbance. - Apologeticum (Reeve's English translation, 1709), Chapter 9
 
I've started praying for the soul of my deceased infant sister (she would have turned eighteen a few months ago) for the past few nights, for I neglected to begin doing so as a part of my nightly prayer routine until now. That is a deep shame of mine, that I did not begin thinking more of her at an earlier date. I've always known of her existence, yet I never truly acknowledged until recently the impact of her existence. Last weekend, I believe that she visited me in a dream during the night.
It is hard to remember much of the dream itself, but what has remained in my memory is making the connection of seeing her face, now grown in adolescence, and identifying her as my sister. We simply looked at one another for a while, with her adorably smiling as we did so, and that is all that I can recall.
The memory of her appearance has been strangely vivid in my head ever since she appeared to me that night, and so I do believe it was a divine occurrence, and that this was a message from The Lord.
She passed in her infancy before I was born. Had she not been born, I would not have been (by the will of my parents, who wanted a limited amount of children, her being their last prior to her death, in which they then had me some time afterward). It is difficult for me to think about that. She died so that I may live mortally. Is that not so different from Christ's death, of how he died so that we may live immortally? The will of God is glorious.
This woman is waiting for me in the heavens as we now both long for the glorious day where our eyes will first meet in the same dimension. Her preciousness graced my soul's gaze last week, and for the rest of my life, by her calling gaze, I hope to honor her in fulfilling what she was never able to in mortal existence. My sister appeared to me in a time where I've been so longing for comfort--for I was just recently separated from a different female companion of mine who I've also loved dearly--and yet now I have the ever-persistent memory of this love that I've felt without carved into my heart again, by the caring will of Jesus Christ, and it will remain there until I die, only passing from my heart after death so that it may instead come to envelop my soul when I see her and our Glorious Saviour in the Lord's land.
 
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