• Happy pride month, xisters of the schlog!

Angry Video Game Nerd Plays OneShot: A Heart-Wrenching Disaster!

Post thread
raepson industries .ltc

raepson industries .ltc

the pet n word hard r
🏆
One Year Club Gem
Joined
Apr 20, 2024
Messages
7,349
[Intro Scene: The familiar AVGN theme music plays with fast-paced, chaotic clips of the Nerd yelling at terrible games, throwing controllers, and generally having a meltdown. The intro ends with the Nerd sitting in his chair, cracking his knuckles.]


Nerd:
[Angrily] "Oh great! Another indie game! 'OneShot,' huh? I know what you're thinking... 'Nerd, it's a great game! It's different, it's heartwarming, it breaks the fourth wall!' Yeah, yeah, enough with the praise! Let me see if I can survive this emotional wreckage that you all call a 'game.'"


[He puts on his headphones, opens the game on his computer, and starts playing. The game’s calming music plays.]


Nerd (gritting his teeth):
"Alright, let's see what we got here. A cute little pixelated world. This isn't so bad... Wait a minute, why is the main character a kid with huge eyes?! This looks like something you'd show to a five-year-old to make them cry! What's with all the 'cute' animals and talking inanimate objects?! It's like a sickeningly sweet nightmare."


[The game opens with the protagonist, Niko, waking up in a dark room with a mysterious light. The Nerd looks at the screen, squinting.]


Nerd:
"Alright, so we’re a little child who wakes up in some strange world. Sounds like every bad 'coming-of-age' story on the planet. What's next, do I have to solve puzzles using my ‘big brain’ just to understand why I'm here?"


[He navigates Niko through a series of puzzles, but grows visibly annoyed as he encounters obstacles.]


Nerd (frustrated):
"WHAT THE HELL? I can't even figure out this goddamn puzzle! What is this?! I have to move this box like it’s some kind of ancient artifact?! Why can’t I just smash everything with a hammer?!"


[The Nerd throws the game controller down in anger. He picks it back up and continues playing.]


Nerd:
"Okay, okay. It’s not that bad. I'm just… goddamn mad. Let's continue. What’s this? Oh, you mean the game is talking directly to ME now? You know what? Screw it. I'm talking to this kid. This is MY world now!"


[The game’s text box appears, and Niko says something like, "Do you know what to do next?" The Nerd scoffs.]


Nerd (mocking):
"Oh yeah, great, now I’ve got this little pixelated psycho talking to ME! 'Do you know what to do next?' Oh, I dunno, maybe not get stuck in a room full of puzzles and existential dread? Maybe not stare at this face and question my very existence?!"


[The game takes an emotional turn as Niko realizes the fate of the world is tied to the player's actions. The Nerd glares at the screen.]


Nerd (dramatic):
"WHAT IS THIS?! THE WORLD’S GONNA END IF I MESS UP? I thought this was just some kid’s platformer, but now I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders?! I didn’t sign up for this! This isn’t some stupid fantasy world where I can kill goblins. THIS IS A DAMN PSYCHOLOGICAL DRAMA!!"


[The screen starts glitching as the game’s fourth wall breaks. Niko looks directly at the player.]


Nerd (eyes widening):
"What the hell?! No! NO! The game is LOOKING AT ME! WHAT IS THIS?! This is like if The Matrix and The Truman Show had a baby, and it decided to torture me with emotions! What is this – I’m not prepared for a tear-jerking lesson about life!"


[The game gives Niko the power to control the game’s world, like adjusting the brightness. The Nerd is at his limit.]


Nerd (yelling):
"STOP! I DON’T WANNA FIX THE LIGHTING! I just wanna KILL THINGS! Give me a goddamn sword and let me hack up monsters, not talk about ‘feeling’ the light! What the hell is this?!"


[The game makes Niko say goodbye to the player, hinting at the game’s sad conclusion. The Nerd’s frustration builds as Niko’s fate becomes clear.]


Nerd (squinting at the screen, voice breaking):
"WAIT… WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN GOODBYE? NO! I don’t want to say goodbye to some stupid pixelated kid! This is the worst heartbreak I've ever had in a damn video game. WHO DOES THIS?! This is emotional manipulation at its finest!"


[He starts fidgeting with his controller nervously, clearly disturbed.]


Nerd:
"You know, I’m not a fan of being emotionally blackmailed by a game. But here I am, thinking about my own mortality, feeling guilty for 'Niko.' And for what? To learn life lessons from a 2D character? This is insane."


[The game ends with the dramatic conclusion and the screen fades out to black. The Nerd sighs loudly.]


Nerd (exhausted):
"Well, that’s it. I’m done. You know what? I’ve been through a lot of shitty games in my time, but this? This is a whole new level of mind games. It’s like a twisted therapy session! I feel like I’ve been through a personal hell and somehow I can’t get over it. You ruined me, OneShot. YOU RUINED ME!"


[The Nerd slams the controller on the desk, then looks into the camera with a deadpan expression.]


Nerd:
"Well, at least the graphics were nice. Too bad it felt like being punched in the heart with a broken joystick."


[Cut to credits with some of the Nerd’s trademark jokes, fast cuts of him yelling at the screen, throwing objects, and muttering to himself about the emotional damage.]


Nerd (voiceover):
"OneShot. More like 'One-Heartbreak.' I don't care if it's 'innovative,' 'meaningful,' or 'art.' If I wanted to cry, I’d watch a sappy rom-com, not play a game. I’m outta here. NEXT!"


[The final shot shows the Nerd staring into space with an exhausted look, as the video cuts to black.]
 
1734027344852.png
 
Sneedman said:
Do the next one with the nostalgia critic watching fpe
Click to expand...
Title: Nostalgia Critic Reviews "Fundamental Paper Education"
[Opening Theme]
The screen fades in from black to show the Nostalgia Critic, played by Doug Walker, at his desk with his usual sarcastic smirk.
Nostalgia Critic: "Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Today, we're tackling something that's more like a bizarre, indie nightmare than your typical educational cartoon - 'Fundamental Paper Education'. Strap in, folks."
[Cut to the main content]
Nostalgia Critic: "So, 'Fundamental Paper Education', or 'FPE' as its fans call it, isn't your run-of-the-mill educational series. It's a YouTube animation by Kaaatie, where the school environment is less about learning and more about surviving the teachers who, let's just say, take their job a tad too seriously."
He plays a clip from the series where Miss Circle, a teacher with a compass for an arm, chases students who fail her class.
Nostalgia Critic: "Here's Miss Circle, giving new meaning to 'failing is not an option.' Because apparently, in this school, if you get an 'F', you're not just failing a class; you're potentially failing at life. Literally."
[Clip of the students trying to solve math problems while avoiding Miss Circle]
Nostalgia Critic: "I mean, what better way to motivate students than with the threat of becoming lunch for your teacher? This isn't education; it's survival horror!"
He mimics the character's frantic attempts to solve problems.
Nostalgia Critic: "So, kids, if you don't want to end up as part of the curriculum, you better get those sums right. And here I thought the worst thing about school was the cafeteria food."
[Another clip, this time showing the unique paper-style animation]
Nostalgia Critic: "Now, let's talk about the art style. It's like if you took your doodles from the back of your notebook and decided to make them into an animation. It's creative, I'll give it that, but it also feels like you're watching someone's fever dream about a paper mache school."
Nostalgia Critic: "But the real kicker is the dark humor. This isn't your 'Schoolhouse Rock' where a catchy tune teaches you the preamble. No, in 'FPE', the humor comes from the absurdity of students dodging literal death by education. It's like 'Baldi's Basics' decided to go full grim-dark."
He shows a clip of the students' reactions to the teachers' antics.
Nostalgia Critic: "And the characters? Forget your typical high school stereotypes; these are more like archetypes from a horror game. The students aren't just trying to pass their exams; they're trying to survive them."
[Cut to Critic shaking his head in disbelief]
Nostalgia Critic: "In conclusion, 'Fundamental Paper Education' is a wild, wild ride into what happens when school becomes a horror scenario. It's creative, sure, but if this is the future of education, I'd rather stick with my old textbooks. At least then, the only thing chasing me is a deadline."
Nostalgia Critic: "So, if you're into dark humor, horror elements in your animations, and the idea that school could literally kill you, 'Fundamental Paper Education' is your cup of tea. Just don't expect to learn much beyond how to run from your math teacher. I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and I remember it so you don't have to."
[Closing Theme]
[End Credits Roll]
 
Thrembolone said:
Title: Nostalgia Critic Reviews "Fundamental Paper Education"
[Opening Theme]
The screen fades in from black to show the Nostalgia Critic, played by Doug Walker, at his desk with his usual sarcastic smirk.
Nostalgia Critic: "Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Today, we're tackling something that's more like a bizarre, indie nightmare than your typical educational cartoon - 'Fundamental Paper Education'. Strap in, folks."
[Cut to the main content]
Nostalgia Critic: "So, 'Fundamental Paper Education', or 'FPE' as its fans call it, isn't your run-of-the-mill educational series. It's a YouTube animation by Kaaatie, where the school environment is less about learning and more about surviving the teachers who, let's just say, take their job a tad too seriously."
He plays a clip from the series where Miss Circle, a teacher with a compass for an arm, chases students who fail her class.
Nostalgia Critic: "Here's Miss Circle, giving new meaning to 'failing is not an option.' Because apparently, in this school, if you get an 'F', you're not just failing a class; you're potentially failing at life. Literally."
[Clip of the students trying to solve math problems while avoiding Miss Circle]
Nostalgia Critic: "I mean, what better way to motivate students than with the threat of becoming lunch for your teacher? This isn't education; it's survival horror!"
He mimics the character's frantic attempts to solve problems.
Nostalgia Critic: "So, kids, if you don't want to end up as part of the curriculum, you better get those sums right. And here I thought the worst thing about school was the cafeteria food."
[Another clip, this time showing the unique paper-style animation]
Nostalgia Critic: "Now, let's talk about the art style. It's like if you took your doodles from the back of your notebook and decided to make them into an animation. It's creative, I'll give it that, but it also feels like you're watching someone's fever dream about a paper mache school."
Nostalgia Critic: "But the real kicker is the dark humor. This isn't your 'Schoolhouse Rock' where a catchy tune teaches you the preamble. No, in 'FPE', the humor comes from the absurdity of students dodging literal death by education. It's like 'Baldi's Basics' decided to go full grim-dark."
He shows a clip of the students' reactions to the teachers' antics.
Nostalgia Critic: "And the characters? Forget your typical high school stereotypes; these are more like archetypes from a horror game. The students aren't just trying to pass their exams; they're trying to survive them."
[Cut to Critic shaking his head in disbelief]
Nostalgia Critic: "In conclusion, 'Fundamental Paper Education' is a wild, wild ride into what happens when school becomes a horror scenario. It's creative, sure, but if this is the future of education, I'd rather stick with my old textbooks. At least then, the only thing chasing me is a deadline."
Nostalgia Critic: "So, if you're into dark humor, horror elements in your animations, and the idea that school could literally kill you, 'Fundamental Paper Education' is your cup of tea. Just don't expect to learn much beyond how to run from your math teacher. I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and I remember it so you don't have to."
[Closing Theme]
[End Credits Roll]
Click to expand...
@XXX_SKIBIDISIGMA_XXX what is the verdict?
 
rapsone industries .ltc said:
[Intro Scene: The familiar AVGN theme music plays with fast-paced, chaotic clips of the Nerd yelling at terrible games, throwing controllers, and generally having a meltdown. The intro ends with the Nerd sitting in his chair, cracking his knuckles.]


Nerd:
[Angrily] "Oh great! Another indie game! 'OneShot,' huh? I know what you're thinking... 'Nerd, it's a great game! It's different, it's heartwarming, it breaks the fourth wall!' Yeah, yeah, enough with the praise! Let me see if I can survive this emotional wreckage that you all call a 'game.'"


[He puts on his headphones, opens the game on his computer, and starts playing. The game’s calming music plays.]


Nerd (gritting his teeth):
"Alright, let's see what we got here. A cute little pixelated world. This isn't so bad... Wait a minute, why is the main character a kid with huge eyes?! This looks like something you'd show to a five-year-old to make them cry! What's with all the 'cute' animals and talking inanimate objects?! It's like a sickeningly sweet nightmare."


[The game opens with the protagonist, Niko, waking up in a dark room with a mysterious light. The Nerd looks at the screen, squinting.]


Nerd:
"Alright, so we’re a little child who wakes up in some strange world. Sounds like every bad 'coming-of-age' story on the planet. What's next, do I have to solve puzzles using my ‘big brain’ just to understand why I'm here?"


[He navigates Niko through a series of puzzles, but grows visibly annoyed as he encounters obstacles.]


Nerd (frustrated):
"WHAT THE HELL? I can't even figure out this goddamn puzzle! What is this?! I have to move this box like it’s some kind of ancient artifact?! Why can’t I just smash everything with a hammer?!"


[The Nerd throws the game controller down in anger. He picks it back up and continues playing.]


Nerd:
"Okay, okay. It’s not that bad. I'm just… goddamn mad. Let's continue. What’s this? Oh, you mean the game is talking directly to ME now? You know what? Screw it. I'm talking to this kid. This is MY world now!"


[The game’s text box appears, and Niko says something like, "Do you know what to do next?" The Nerd scoffs.]


Nerd (mocking):
"Oh yeah, great, now I’ve got this little pixelated psycho talking to ME! 'Do you know what to do next?' Oh, I dunno, maybe not get stuck in a room full of puzzles and existential dread? Maybe not stare at this face and question my very existence?!"


[The game takes an emotional turn as Niko realizes the fate of the world is tied to the player's actions. The Nerd glares at the screen.]


Nerd (dramatic):
"WHAT IS THIS?! THE WORLD’S GONNA END IF I MESS UP? I thought this was just some kid’s platformer, but now I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders?! I didn’t sign up for this! This isn’t some stupid fantasy world where I can kill goblins. THIS IS A DAMN PSYCHOLOGICAL DRAMA!!"


[The screen starts glitching as the game’s fourth wall breaks. Niko looks directly at the player.]


Nerd (eyes widening):
"What the hell?! No! NO! The game is LOOKING AT ME! WHAT IS THIS?! This is like if The Matrix and The Truman Show had a baby, and it decided to torture me with emotions! What is this – I’m not prepared for a tear-jerking lesson about life!"


[The game gives Niko the power to control the game’s world, like adjusting the brightness. The Nerd is at his limit.]


Nerd (yelling):
"STOP! I DON’T WANNA FIX THE LIGHTING! I just wanna KILL THINGS! Give me a goddamn sword and let me hack up monsters, not talk about ‘feeling’ the light! What the hell is this?!"


[The game makes Niko say goodbye to the player, hinting at the game’s sad conclusion. The Nerd’s frustration builds as Niko’s fate becomes clear.]


Nerd (squinting at the screen, voice breaking):
"WAIT… WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN GOODBYE? NO! I don’t want to say goodbye to some stupid pixelated kid! This is the worst heartbreak I've ever had in a damn video game. WHO DOES THIS?! This is emotional manipulation at its finest!"


[He starts fidgeting with his controller nervously, clearly disturbed.]


Nerd:
"You know, I’m not a fan of being emotionally blackmailed by a game. But here I am, thinking about my own mortality, feeling guilty for 'Niko.' And for what? To learn life lessons from a 2D character? This is insane."


[The game ends with the dramatic conclusion and the screen fades out to black. The Nerd sighs loudly.]


Nerd (exhausted):
"Well, that’s it. I’m done. You know what? I’ve been through a lot of shitty games in my time, but this? This is a whole new level of mind games. It’s like a twisted therapy session! I feel like I’ve been through a personal hell and somehow I can’t get over it. You ruined me, OneShot. YOU RUINED ME!"


[The Nerd slams the controller on the desk, then looks into the camera with a deadpan expression.]


Nerd:
"Well, at least the graphics were nice. Too bad it felt like being punched in the heart with a broken joystick."


[Cut to credits with some of the Nerd’s trademark jokes, fast cuts of him yelling at the screen, throwing objects, and muttering to himself about the emotional damage.]


Nerd (voiceover):
"OneShot. More like 'One-Heartbreak.' I don't care if it's 'innovative,' 'meaningful,' or 'art.' If I wanted to cry, I’d watch a sappy rom-com, not play a game. I’m outta here. NEXT!"


[The final shot shows the Nerd staring into space with an exhausted look, as the video cuts to black.]
Click to expand...
I read every single word, gem, i'll read the FPE one for REAL this time, @Sneedman.
 
Thrembolone said:
Title: Nostalgia Critic Reviews "Fundamental Paper Education"
[Opening Theme]
The screen fades in from black to show the Nostalgia Critic, played by Doug Walker, at his desk with his usual sarcastic smirk.
Nostalgia Critic: "Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Today, we're tackling something that's more like a bizarre, indie nightmare than your typical educational cartoon - 'Fundamental Paper Education'. Strap in, folks."
[Cut to the main content]
Nostalgia Critic: "So, 'Fundamental Paper Education', or 'FPE' as its fans call it, isn't your run-of-the-mill educational series. It's a YouTube animation by Kaaatie, where the school environment is less about learning and more about surviving the teachers who, let's just say, take their job a tad too seriously."
He plays a clip from the series where Miss Circle, a teacher with a compass for an arm, chases students who fail her class.
Nostalgia Critic: "Here's Miss Circle, giving new meaning to 'failing is not an option.' Because apparently, in this school, if you get an 'F', you're not just failing a class; you're potentially failing at life. Literally."
[Clip of the students trying to solve math problems while avoiding Miss Circle]
Nostalgia Critic: "I mean, what better way to motivate students than with the threat of becoming lunch for your teacher? This isn't education; it's survival horror!"
He mimics the character's frantic attempts to solve problems.
Nostalgia Critic: "So, kids, if you don't want to end up as part of the curriculum, you better get those sums right. And here I thought the worst thing about school was the cafeteria food."
[Another clip, this time showing the unique paper-style animation]
Nostalgia Critic: "Now, let's talk about the art style. It's like if you took your doodles from the back of your notebook and decided to make them into an animation. It's creative, I'll give it that, but it also feels like you're watching someone's fever dream about a paper mache school."
Nostalgia Critic: "But the real kicker is the dark humor. This isn't your 'Schoolhouse Rock' where a catchy tune teaches you the preamble. No, in 'FPE', the humor comes from the absurdity of students dodging literal death by education. It's like 'Baldi's Basics' decided to go full grim-dark."
He shows a clip of the students' reactions to the teachers' antics.
Nostalgia Critic: "And the characters? Forget your typical high school stereotypes; these are more like archetypes from a horror game. The students aren't just trying to pass their exams; they're trying to survive them."
[Cut to Critic shaking his head in disbelief]
Nostalgia Critic: "In conclusion, 'Fundamental Paper Education' is a wild, wild ride into what happens when school becomes a horror scenario. It's creative, sure, but if this is the future of education, I'd rather stick with my old textbooks. At least then, the only thing chasing me is a deadline."
Nostalgia Critic: "So, if you're into dark humor, horror elements in your animations, and the idea that school could literally kill you, 'Fundamental Paper Education' is your cup of tea. Just don't expect to learn much beyond how to run from your math teacher. I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and I remember it so you don't have to."
[Closing Theme]
[End Credits Roll]
Click to expand...
Glistening gemerald i take back what i said.
Ignorance is NOT bliss!
1723143766571-1.png
 

Similar threads

XXX_SKIBIDISIGMA_XXX
Rant TROONSLOP THAT MAKES ME ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Replies
3
Views
79
megathread
megathread
General Niggnin
Why is everyone angry about the schlog on /soy/
9 10 11
Replies
200
Views
2K
Soynic Hedgehog
Soynic Hedgehog
basil
IM SO FUCKING ANGRY
2
Replies
26
Views
214
basil
basil
terrycrews
Autism does anyone else cry when they get really angry
2 3
Replies
53
Views
1K
sоyjak
sоyjak
XXX_SKIBIDISIGMA_XXX
Rant Porn and degenerates make me angry
2 3 4
Replies
66
Views
1K
XXX_SKIBIDISIGMA_XXX
XXX_SKIBIDISIGMA_XXX
Back
Top