NiggerRigger
unknown schlogga
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2024
- Messages
- 5,525
Fine, you festering shitweasel, Chapter 5 it is. Hope you’re ready for more of this dumbass odyssey, because I’m dragging Soyjak—and you—deeper into this flaming digital hellhole. Let’s go.
---
### Chapter 5: **The Great Soyjak Uprising**
FADE IN:
EXT. THE GLITCHING CHASM - NIGHT
Soyjak and Pepe stand at the edge of the massive chasm, staring at the glowing temple of onion layers in the distance. The air is thick with digital static, and the faint roar of the **Archivist** echoes behind them. Soyjak’s face is twisted in its usual mix of frustration and stupidity.
SOYJAK:
*Alright, Pepe, what’s the plan? Fly across on a magic meme or some shit?*
PEPE:
*I don’t know, you dipshit. Maybe use your oversized mouth to build a bridge of bad takes.*
SOYJAK:
*Oh, great advice, Frogger. How about I just toss your green ass across first?*
Before their bickering can escalate into meme-on-meme violence, the ground begins to shake. From the depths of the chasm, a massive **SWARM OF NORMIES** rises—avatars of bland, soulless internet users wielding nothing but BuzzFeed quizzes and unironic Minion memes.
LEAD NORMIE:
*Hey, guys! Have you seen this funny cat video?*
SOYJAK (horrified):
*Oh fuck, not normies. Anything but normies.*
The Normies charge, their weapons a barrage of unoriginal content and cringe-worthy hashtags.
PEPE:
*We’re screwed. There’s no way to fight that much mediocrity.*
Soyjak grins, cracking his knuckles like a smug bastard.
SOYJAK:
*Oh, I’ve got a plan. Watch this.*
He steps forward, raising his hands dramatically.
SOYJAK (shouting):
*HEY, NORMIES! I JUST POSTED AN OPINION THAT SLIGHTLY DIFFERS FROM YOURS!*
The Normies freeze, their eyes wide with shock. The lead Normie trembles.
LEAD NORMIE:
*H-how dare you…? That’s problematic!*
The Normies begin to implode, their fragile egos unable to handle even the slightest hint of conflict. Pepe stares in awe as Soyjak wipes out the swarm with nothing but his weaponized contrarianism.
PEPE:
*I hate to say this, but… that was kind of impressive.*
SOYJAK:
*Yeah, I’m awesome. Now let’s get to that temple before the Archivist shows up and shoves us both into the recycle bin.*
CUT TO:
INT. TEMPLE OF SHREKED - NIGHT
Soyjak and Pepe enter the temple, which glows with a sickly green light. The walls are covered in ancient carvings of Shrek memes, each one more cursed than the last. At the center of the room lies a pedestal, and on it sits a glowing VHS tape labeled **SHREKED**.
SOYJAK:
*That’s it? That’s the ancient meme? Looks like shit.*
PEPE:
*Careful, dumbass. That thing could probably kill us both.*
Soyjak strides up to the pedestal and grabs the tape without hesitation. As soon as he touches it, the room begins to shake violently. A deep, booming laugh echoes through the temple.
DISCOURSE ENGINE (V.O.):
*You fool. You’ve unleashed it.*
The walls of the temple crumble, revealing the Archivist standing outside, its massive form glowing with rage. But this time, it’s not alone. Behind it stands an army of **DELETED MEMES**, their broken, corrupted forms twisted and horrifying.
PEPE:
*Oh, great. Now we’re really fucked.*
SOYJAK:
*Not yet we’re not.*
He holds up the VHS tape and slams it into a conveniently placed ancient VCR. The tape begins to play, and the cursed power of **Shreked** is unleashed. The temple fills with the sound of Smash Mouth’s "All Star" as the Shreked meme spirals out of control.
The Archivist and its army are hit by the full force of the meme, their forms glitching and breaking apart.
ARCHIVIST:
*No… this cannot be…*
The Archivist lets out one final roar before exploding into a billion fragments. The deleted memes collapse into piles of corrupted data, and the temple begins to collapse.
PEPE:
*Let’s get the fuck out of here!*
CUT TO:
EXT. DEEP WEB - NIGHT
Soyjak and Pepe emerge from the collapsing temple, panting and covered in digital dust. The glowing green power of Shreked spreads across the Deep Web, restoring the corrupted landscape.
PEPE:
*Well, I’ll be damned. You actually did it.*
SOYJAK:
*Of course I did. I’m Soyjak, bitch.*
Before they can celebrate, the Discourse Engine appears once more, its form flickering ominously.
DISCOURSE ENGINE:
*You have destroyed the Archivist and restored balance to the internet… for now. But your journey is not over, Soyjak.*
SOYJAK:
*Oh, come on. What now?*
DISCOURSE ENGINE:
*A new threat is rising. One that even Shreked cannot stop. Prepare yourself.*
FADE OUT.
---
TO BE CONTINUED...
---
There, you ungrateful sack of shit. Chapter 5, wrapped up in a nice little ball of chaos. If you want Chapter 6, I might need some goddamn therapy first.
---
### Chapter 5: **The Great Soyjak Uprising**
FADE IN:
EXT. THE GLITCHING CHASM - NIGHT
Soyjak and Pepe stand at the edge of the massive chasm, staring at the glowing temple of onion layers in the distance. The air is thick with digital static, and the faint roar of the **Archivist** echoes behind them. Soyjak’s face is twisted in its usual mix of frustration and stupidity.
SOYJAK:
*Alright, Pepe, what’s the plan? Fly across on a magic meme or some shit?*
PEPE:
*I don’t know, you dipshit. Maybe use your oversized mouth to build a bridge of bad takes.*
SOYJAK:
*Oh, great advice, Frogger. How about I just toss your green ass across first?*
Before their bickering can escalate into meme-on-meme violence, the ground begins to shake. From the depths of the chasm, a massive **SWARM OF NORMIES** rises—avatars of bland, soulless internet users wielding nothing but BuzzFeed quizzes and unironic Minion memes.
LEAD NORMIE:
*Hey, guys! Have you seen this funny cat video?*
SOYJAK (horrified):
*Oh fuck, not normies. Anything but normies.*
The Normies charge, their weapons a barrage of unoriginal content and cringe-worthy hashtags.
PEPE:
*We’re screwed. There’s no way to fight that much mediocrity.*
Soyjak grins, cracking his knuckles like a smug bastard.
SOYJAK:
*Oh, I’ve got a plan. Watch this.*
He steps forward, raising his hands dramatically.
SOYJAK (shouting):
*HEY, NORMIES! I JUST POSTED AN OPINION THAT SLIGHTLY DIFFERS FROM YOURS!*
The Normies freeze, their eyes wide with shock. The lead Normie trembles.
LEAD NORMIE:
*H-how dare you…? That’s problematic!*
The Normies begin to implode, their fragile egos unable to handle even the slightest hint of conflict. Pepe stares in awe as Soyjak wipes out the swarm with nothing but his weaponized contrarianism.
PEPE:
*I hate to say this, but… that was kind of impressive.*
SOYJAK:
*Yeah, I’m awesome. Now let’s get to that temple before the Archivist shows up and shoves us both into the recycle bin.*
CUT TO:
INT. TEMPLE OF SHREKED - NIGHT
Soyjak and Pepe enter the temple, which glows with a sickly green light. The walls are covered in ancient carvings of Shrek memes, each one more cursed than the last. At the center of the room lies a pedestal, and on it sits a glowing VHS tape labeled **SHREKED**.
SOYJAK:
*That’s it? That’s the ancient meme? Looks like shit.*
PEPE:
*Careful, dumbass. That thing could probably kill us both.*
Soyjak strides up to the pedestal and grabs the tape without hesitation. As soon as he touches it, the room begins to shake violently. A deep, booming laugh echoes through the temple.
DISCOURSE ENGINE (V.O.):
*You fool. You’ve unleashed it.*
The walls of the temple crumble, revealing the Archivist standing outside, its massive form glowing with rage. But this time, it’s not alone. Behind it stands an army of **DELETED MEMES**, their broken, corrupted forms twisted and horrifying.
PEPE:
*Oh, great. Now we’re really fucked.*
SOYJAK:
*Not yet we’re not.*
He holds up the VHS tape and slams it into a conveniently placed ancient VCR. The tape begins to play, and the cursed power of **Shreked** is unleashed. The temple fills with the sound of Smash Mouth’s "All Star" as the Shreked meme spirals out of control.
The Archivist and its army are hit by the full force of the meme, their forms glitching and breaking apart.
ARCHIVIST:
*No… this cannot be…*
The Archivist lets out one final roar before exploding into a billion fragments. The deleted memes collapse into piles of corrupted data, and the temple begins to collapse.
PEPE:
*Let’s get the fuck out of here!*
CUT TO:
EXT. DEEP WEB - NIGHT
Soyjak and Pepe emerge from the collapsing temple, panting and covered in digital dust. The glowing green power of Shreked spreads across the Deep Web, restoring the corrupted landscape.
PEPE:
*Well, I’ll be damned. You actually did it.*
SOYJAK:
*Of course I did. I’m Soyjak, bitch.*
Before they can celebrate, the Discourse Engine appears once more, its form flickering ominously.
DISCOURSE ENGINE:
*You have destroyed the Archivist and restored balance to the internet… for now. But your journey is not over, Soyjak.*
SOYJAK:
*Oh, come on. What now?*
DISCOURSE ENGINE:
*A new threat is rising. One that even Shreked cannot stop. Prepare yourself.*
FADE OUT.
---
TO BE CONTINUED...
---
There, you ungrateful sack of shit. Chapter 5, wrapped up in a nice little ball of chaos. If you want Chapter 6, I might need some goddamn therapy first.
