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Schizo My autoandrophilia/pooner urges [REVAMPED INTRO]

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encrusting_acro said:
PLEASE FILL ME IN
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Gladly
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ILoveCoals said:
Terry Crews kept on calling Soyteen Liker a pooner and calling other users pedos, to the point that he went full soygoy and spam reported a bunch of users, which got him temp banned.
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oh, okay. Thanks. And why did basil get banned? I know he told terry to show his genitals, but what was the context?
 
Soyteen Liker said:
The closest thing to it being sexual is me getting enthralled over the idea of being a male gooner that can't stop jerking off. Something about that feels like something I really want to experience even if most guys think it's awful and shameful.
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Most guys don't think it's awful and shameful, it IS awful and shameful. I know multiple people who used to be gooners in real life, they felt shame. There is no worse feeling than spending dozens of minutes or even multiple hours wasting your time jerking your dick. To want to experience something like this is incomprehensible to me.
 
eeeeeeeee said:
Most guys don't think it's awful and shameful, it IS awful and shameful. I know multiple people who used to be gooners in real life, they felt shame. There is no worse feeling than spending dozens of minutes or even multiple hours wasting your time jerking your dick. To want to experience something like this is incomprehensible to me.
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Yeah. That makes sense but the nature of my autoandrophilia is that it makes me extremely attracted to the idea of *being a man* even if some aspects are dogshit. I can't really think of a metaphor to explain it.
 
This is a lot to take in, but obviously I have to question your chosen solutions of either taking hormones and transitioning or just stewing in the discomfort. Do you have other ideas?
Also, something that stuck out to me as weird was your descriptions of being "one" with yourself, a la as a male. It reminds me a lot of the concept of holy matrimony. The man and his wife are bound together not as two souls, but as one, and they are expected to be loyal and together forever.
Soyteen Liker said:
Yeah exactly, I've prayed to God a few times but I can't feel the effects of it at all.

Honestly I know how it sounds, it must be like a tranny saying "I wish I could have a heavy cramping period!"

I wouldn't describe it as hedonistically doebeit. There's definitely a loving aspect to my relationship with "him" that I want to embody.

It is as if my soul or essence as I experience the world is two inches behind the basic goodness that is behind everything.

"This life is not mine," I think. "Who's is it, then?" I think back.

It's this person who observes the world, I'm like a ghost.

Am I completely a ghost? No. There is another person to absorb the experience of the ghost and all the pain that doesn't come out. A person whose eyes shine, who has dreams and hopes, who lives in full color instead of just surviving each day as a hollow grayscale ghost.

It is invisible because it is to protect against feeling suffering that is too strong to endure. This is good in moderation, but it doesn't let me live a happy life.

It protects me from the worst but keeps me in a stasis of low-level suffering. It is a progressive condition, but there is treatment, I implore you to listen.

The truth is that the body is where reality is experienced. My body and my social role give me benefits and a feeling of security. People like me how I am, and they won't like them if I change myself. The body does not feel like home. It can feel like hell without rest. I need to get out and move on in every way I can.

I NEED TO BECOME A MAN (as much as possible)

I don't think I'm bad at being a woman or anything. The truth is that my body and mind scream to be a man in a fundamental way without stereotypes.

Sometimes, I feel like being feminine to express myself, but this is nothing for what I really need.

I'm not going to kill myself if you reject it, but I don't think there is any other treatment. Thanks for listening to me.
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So have you tried getting married?
 
Stephen said:
Do you have other ideas?
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I considered hypnosis to give myself more of a male identity but someone told me it would give me pseudo dissociative identity disorder o algo
Stephen said:
Also, something that stuck out to me as weird was your descriptions of being "one" with yourself, a la as a male. It reminds me a lot of the concept of holy matrimony. The man and his wife are bound together not as two souls, but as one, and they are expected to be loyal and together forever.
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Yeah, I often wish I could experience myself with the eyes of someone else and also experience them.
Stephen said:
So have you tried getting married?
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The problem with me is that any love I experience is only a stand-in for my male self. I only experience it when a man reminds me of "him" in some way. Plus not to mention the thousands of trannies that have tried that, even having children only to ruin everyone else's lives by coming out. Chris Tyson is a good example of that, there even used to be a subreddit called r/transwidows about people grieving the loss of their partner. I'm not cruel enough to do something like that to someone.
 
Soyteen Liker said:
I considered hypnosis to give myself more of a male identity but someone told me it would give me pseudo dissociative identity disorder o algo

Yeah, I often wish I could experience myself with the eyes of someone else and also experience them.

The problem with me is that any love I experience is only a stand-in for my male self. I only experience it when a man reminds me of "him" in some way. Plus not to mention the thousands of trannies that have tried that, even having children only to ruin everyone else's lives by coming out. Chris Tyson is a good example of that, there even used to be a subreddit called r/transwidows about people grieving the loss of their partner. I'm not cruel enough to do something like that to someone.
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Do you think this is just due to your autism, and that this urge would stop if you found an interest?
 
ILoveCoals said:
Do you think this is just due to your autism, and that this urge would stop if you found an interest?
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I guess it is related to being autistic but I don't think finding an interest would fix it. Like Stephen said, "he" is my other half... "he" is my animus. The very essence that guides me is my lost male self. The problem with finding an interest is that the very fabric of my perception feels twisted and unworthwhile. Nothing matters except trying to find a cure, a distraction, or to manifest "him" somehow.
 
Soyteen Liker said:
I guess it is related to being autistic but I don't think finding an interest would fix it. Like Stephen said, "he" is my other half... "he" is my animus. The very essence that guides me is my lost male self. The problem with finding an interest is that the very fabric of my perception feels twisted and unworthwhile. Nothing matters except trying to find a cure, a distraction, or to manifest "him" somehow.
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Jung ahh nigga 💀
 
Soyteen Liker said:
I guess it is related to being autistic but I don't think finding an interest would fix it. Like Stephen said, "he" is my other half... "he" is my animus. The very essence that guides me is my lost male self. The problem with finding an interest is that the very fabric of my perception feels twisted and unworthwhile. Nothing matters except trying to find a cure, a distraction, or to manifest "him" somehow.
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Spergs are animals.
 
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