I feel like writing something but no idea what so im just gonna see where this goes its definently going to be incoherent schizobabble but thats fine wont improve at writing if I dont even bother trying to when I dont have the spark of inspiration to do it.
On that note it tilts me when I hear people use say something like ''I have no motivation or im just not motivated today'' ESPECIALLY when its stomething like going to the gym for example like NIGGA you're not going to get anywhere if you need motivation to continue doing something regularly. You cant rely on motivation as your drive it WILL dissapite wax and wane, what are you going to do when you dont have that motivation? Nothing? Hello problem calling.... you gonna take that? or just ignore it and sweep it under the rug until you convince yourself there is no problem, what problem, I dont know any Mr.Problem he got the wrong number. If you keep doing that eventually you will convince yourself and thats makes Mr.Problem BIG and HARD but you are blind to him.
And when you've become blind to BIG and HARD Mr.Problem it will grow like a cancer and spread throughout your mind and body, and I dont want that. I want people to face their problems and overcome them, why? Because people who have looked inward faced their struggles and overcome them develop into more interesting people that have something of value in them.
This overcoming of self is interesting it makes people more interesting and niggas who are oblivious or unwilling to face them usually arent interesting peoples.
I got some problems one there is no 'fix' or 'solution' to so what can I do? Accept it, noooo!!! you can't do that its wrong unfair unjust! You don't deserve that, why you I can't accept that. Then what? You're just going to be the source of your own misery, why wallow in pity and bitterness that will only lead you further down that road why can't they see where that road leads?
I dont know the answer. All I know is that passing blame onto why I can't work or why I can't go to school, or why i can't do this do that it's so pointless doe thats not an answer thats not a solution it's a self-destructive cope. It may be a cope that serves a useful purpose something needed in order to get through the day, but one ought to be careful with such a cope eventually it will grow to something much worse than what you're using it to defend yourself from.
So, what can you do? I don't know nor do I know how I got myself out of the hole I was digging for myself by instead of lamenting and despairing over my situation I grew apathetic towards it. I ignored it and let it fester, influenced by some people around me this piercing pity and sympathy where those dear to me did one thing. Make me give in it made it easy, comfortable how they would provide for me aid me help me do favors for me. I was treated as someone who is unable to do things on my own, and while that is more true than not it made me grow dependant on others and that was a big problem for the vast majority of the time I was alone.
I learned to embrace my solitude, perhaps that grew to becomee a cope with it own strings attached. More than that it became something valuable and worthwhile. I kinda lost track so uh anyways if you've got a problem and it's not going anywhere you need to learn how to adapt ways in which to live with it and work with it that is the only way to overcome it. Don't work against it don't look away and pretend it's not there until you believe that, ESPECIALLY when it is something that is within your power to change, face it and overcome it that's what makes us human no? Facing challanges problems questions and overcoming them or adapting to them, or for far too many ignoring them pretending they aren't there looking away that is not accepting them. Like just dont be a slave to your problem or something,lol.
I am sick im ill sometimes more than i'd like to admit im practically disabled that is the situation. I used to give in to my mother's suffocating care and affection it was easy it was comfortable but sedating myself with ease and comfort ignoring my situation by growing apathetic towards it in conjunction with her values that pain bad discomfort bad pleasure good ease good submission to hedonism essentially was just so easy when someone is actively going out of their way to care and provide for you with drinks food care and comfort.
Then I would distract myself with anime gaming shows manga, entertainment. Adopting these values and mostly my curiousity it was inevitable I would experiment with narcotics and that made this festering rot of a value system exacerbate exponentially breaking down my body stealthily creeping in numb to and ignorant of how sloth and excess was ruining me from within.
brain shutting down there was more i wanted to say and what ive already said i didnt get to say what i wanted and how i wanted to say it so ill call it a day before i make myself more sick lol im starting to see stars ok gg well atleast i wrote some stuffs and i think theres something good there atleast ill share my two fav pictures or someting gn in advance schlog
