I'm gonna tell you the most traumatic experience I've had in my entire life, experience I don't want you to pass through, so listen carefully:
My name is Keat Bikes, I used to be an american tourist that traveled across the world to find hidden treasures with my specialized equipment, but also, I liked to play games from time to time, one day, and I remember and curse that damn day, I visited Greenland, it was a shithole of yellow zipper-eyed sweaty stinky monkeys, just like India but frozen, it was damn cold, I couldn't stand the extreme freezing temperatures my penis got frostbait and it had to be amputated, instead of a hospital, they brought me to a hut where they did the surgery, after removing my frozen part and while crying as my manhood has been retired, I heard the doctors say something like "Oh BBC!", I don't know what they meant with that, it's probably their chink yeti ape niggerbabble, but still it sounded familiar, after I came back to my apartment to play some vidyagames so I could wash away the trauma of getting my dick amputated, I found out ALL of my friggin' gemtendo consoles were missing, later I found out it was because these gorillas I lived with stole my items and sold it as "magic eskimo alien technology" or something, geg stupid niggers don't know what a console is, they only have phones from the 1900 and I understand that, how would a civilization progress on an icy hellhole like this? But that's not the point, after I gasped to the fact I no longer had my wholesome goyslop consoles where I could play boring spergy games like Call of Duty or Super Mario Odyssey, I tried getting directions from my neighbours so I could find a gamestore near me, I tried using a translator but it always said "I can't translate this nonsensical babble" so I eventually gave up until one day walking in the snow streets I found a store with the name of "LEAK GAMESTORE", bingo! It was truly a miracle, luckily those niggers haven't stole my money yet, I didn't hesitate on going and checking for the products but oh boy my reaction to such grotesque scene was worth of a movie, There was literally trash all over the floor, it smelled like shit, I tried walking through it and all of the apartments were empty except for one, there was a console there, I immediately felt relief, I went to the cashier and asked for the price. "Oh, the antiswarthystation? It costs 2 cents", 2 cents? For a whole console? It seems quite suspicious but I wasn't a guy that missed opportunities so I bought it, right before crossing the door the cashier yelled at me; "If you're gonna play it, first open the windows", I didn't know why did he say that, why would I open the windows to play a console? So it doesn't overheat or what? I didn't mind that much, I went to my igloo home and I started the console, the logo of the brand instead of being from the original playstation it instead had the head of an obese weird-looking esquimo with extremely large ears, it freaked me out a little bit but the worst part was the menu, it didn't have games, instead it had two apps that were direct links to a site called "soybooru.com" and "soyjakblog.com", those names were really weird so I decided to first explore the soyjakblog thing, I immediately heard the console started overheating and strangely sweating, later I realized it wasn't sweat but clitoris fluid, how fucking gross, so I decided to instead open soybooru, there was two images of a figure with black hair, blue eyes, a waving hand and a beige dress that said "Cacao", then it started, the fucking console started leaking all over the place, I immediately panicked, I didn't know what to do, it started to flood and melt my igloo, I thought I was gonna die, eventually the clittywater drowned me and I entered a coma, I was rescued by my american family, due to frostbite I also lost all my limbs, I'm now a literal worm bound to a wheelchair, just a torso and a head, I'm right now typing this with the movement of my eyes in morse code, please. DON'T BUY THE ANTISWARTHY PLAYSTATION, IF YOU SEE ONE, DESTROY IT IMMEDIATELY.
