soyjak.blog

So you are fine now?

Wtf you’re trans?

Nufig.

I guess I'm fine for now but it still spikes sometimes. The worst part is that I rarely relate to other gender dysphoric women so I don't have a community to keep me from pooning out. (1/2)

It's kind of like how most TIMs fall into the AGP/HSTS typology except for gender dysphoric women (who don't identify as FTM) it's like, they hate being a woman because of things like the internalized male gaze or because they want to be pretty yaoi twinks. For me it just feels like a strange compulsion. (2/2)

Are you depressed? Did anything special happen?

Not depressed just like, driven by a deep unconscious fear if that makes sense. The diagnosis they gave me was schizoaffective and I don't know if the meds actually help.

DIE DIE DIE

DIE DIE DIE

I'm not trans anymore, the fuck is your problem?

Well, do you do any activities? Do you go outside often?

Sometimes I write fiction and I go outside with my family to stores and such. Just now I took my dogs to get vaxxed

Yes but, do you feel bored when doing so? Do you pay attention at what's around you?

I don't know, I think I'm extremely emotionally dissociated. I don't ever feel bored I think. I don't know how much I pay attention, I can't read books at all or watch most media.

Are you happy? Do you find happiness in small things?

I don't know it feels like I'm more than 1 person larping as 1 person sometimes.

I also have similar feelings. From what you told me, you wanting to become a pooner again isn't because you are depressed but because of your mental condition.
Perhaps something happened a long time ago and you started to have these feelings because of it.

Maybe, I have no idea what though.

Maybe try to rethink of your childhood, most traumas like this come from around that time.
Maybe you forgot it, but your brain still has its scars.

I was thinking it was when I was like 6-7 and my parents would constantly ask me why I couldn't be more like my male cousin but I think my issues are too severe for that to be the only thing. Maybe bullying could have contributed.